Rant #2003

I lost. I spent 2 years, working on my mental health only for a competition to set me back 1 year in progress. I had to live up to my sister’s expectations. I hated art because of that competition but I did my best. Because I’m clumped together with all the smart people. But I haven’t done anything to deserve to stand next to them. I spent 78 hours hating myself, went back to self harming, obsessing over my painting, my blood sweat and tears were in it. And someone, my best friend, who did it over night. Won. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate everything. But I can’t hate her. She went through tough shit and I can’t do this. I ended up cutting for the first time because of this and now. Now I’m scared.