Rant #1999

I feel like my struggles don't matter to people and they never will. I wish I was smart, I wish I was skinny, I wish I was lovable, I wish I was a boy, I wish that I could fit in with other people without them looking at me weird, I wish I wasn't such a freak. I wish I was never groomed and assaulted, I wish I didn't feel so alienated from my peers, I wish I could truly relate to the people I surround myself with, I wish my mom and dad would listen to me without making more problems of it, I wish that they would love eachother, I wish I wasn't so uncomfortable around my dad, I wish that people would feel more sorry for me but I also wish I didn't seek out others pity, I wish I could be in the relationship I want but I'm not worth that kind of effort and time. I wish I didn't contemplate killing myself every other day because my existence is so useless, I'm mediocre at my hobbies and I don't amount to anything and I genuinely just want to put myself down because everything is horrible