Rant #1995

Its been only 5 months since I've turned 18, and life already feels like ot's too much to handle. After years of suffering from chronic illness and gender dysphoria, I have just come to the realization that I have missed so many things that my peers have already experienced. Hell, my younger teen years are a blur. I only remember maybe one exciting thing or two that changed me for the better. The only positive thing that has happemed recently is that I started HRT, and even then, the cost is adding up and feels like a burden, though I know if I ever stopped it I'd commit suicide. I don't understamd why my existence has had to be filled with so many hardships. I am at a crossroads right now. Graduation is near and I feel lost. While my best friend is going to college, im taking a gap year. I feel like of something ever goes wrong, sich as losing funds for my estrogen injections, I'll probably kill myself.