Rant #1972

My grandpa is dying he has cancer in his jaw and i feel so self aware and lost in the world i wish i can help him wish i would have had more time with him i just feel like i wasn't there when i was an adult or when i was a kid but he says other wise i feel so empty i don't know how else to express these emotions other then writing i am not sure what i will do when he passes away i think everyone will be in a state of sadness on top of it my moms going to spiral and drink her feelings away i just feel like in the middle of a really bad earthquake