Rant #1930

I just brought up my trauma for the first time with my boyfriend. I’ve been assaulted multiple times by my exes in bed and I never realized it up until I brought it up to my friend a month ago. Ever since, I just want nothing to do with sex. Or anything at all. Sex doesn’t work for me unless I’m alone. I feel bad. I recently found out he’s been watching p0rn to get off on his own, during the weeks I don’t have sex with him. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to watch that because they’re all so unrealistic and I can never meet that standard. I feel lesser than. But I also don’t know how to have sex without feeling used. He was wonderful and comforted me and told me he didn’t need any of it and that he could wait and not do anything. I just know that he’s going to turn to p0rn eventually I’m not sure if I should just suck it up and have sex so he doesn’t watch that stuff or not. When I brought it up, he even joked about me being ‘terrible at sex’ which really didn’t help.