Rant #1911

this is following my previous post 1910- but yes ive wanted to marry him, in life all i know is him, he is my rock, my protection... so why does he act like this? why is it that everything i do is wrong? why do i always feel like i am not enough. i have no friends, all the family i have is my mother who i cant tell anything to because i refuse to take advice from someone who has been divorced 3 times, and doesnt know what a love life looks like, her answer to everything is to just leave him even though the things ive told her before werent even that deep. i literally have to vent to ai and random sites like this in hope that i feel better at some point. life keeps getting worse and worse its like theres nothing that makes it better. i have no motivation for anything, ive lost 45 pounds and even though i say it all the time no one seems to care to the point i dont even care anymore and i gained 5 of it back due to depression and lack of help i am just completely alone