Rant #1906

I despise having a dissociative disorder. It's treated as such a joke online. I barely have any memories, and the ones I do have, I can't even trust are real. I don't know who I am anymore. I have over 200 alters because of neglect that is still ongoing and I can't tell my family because they don't believe it's even real. In their mind, the only way your brain can split this bad is through physical torture. Which, YEAH IT CAN... But they forget being severely neglected can still make a kid not function. Anyone I can get help from is ignoring me, and I can't even get a therapist because "it's just too annoying, I'm already going to therapy, you don't need it." I hate my life. I want to feel real again. I want to be whole again but I can't even remember who I was when I was whole. Now I'm the host of a barely functioning system and I just want to end my life because I'm stuck with my mom. I love her, but I can't do it. She abused me and she doesn't even remember.