Rant #1871

Do you ever feel like your world is falling apart? I am terrified of everything. It feels harder to get up every morning and I get more tired with every day. Sleep doesn't seem to help either. I feel like I'm just waiting for death. But I'm also scared of death because no one knows what happens after death. If God really does exist, heaven would be a possibility after death. But I feel more terrified of heaven then just disappearing. How am I supposed to imagine an eternity of life when life right now doesn't feel happy. I am afraid of waking up one morning and just not being able to do it anymore. Am I really just waiting for death at this point? Hoping God does not exist so that I can fade into nothingness?