I’m so tired of being autistic, I love my autism but I’m heavily traumatised and so everything I do feels 100x more exhausting. I hate myself, I hate the world and I hate people. Not because they are bad but because of the things that happened to me and the fact that I can’t make new connections no matter how hard I try. It feels so isolating to know you’re not like everyone else. Everything down to the way I say hello is different. I want so desperately to be accepted, but the more I speak to people the more I realise like don’t care. I’m too childish, too excitable, they care but they don’t. When I open up it’s too much, when I don’t say anything at all, I’m not being truthful. I want people to care about me the way I care about them. I’m sick of crying when people don’t like me, sick of being mad that my parents never wanted me. I’m tired. I’m always tired and I just want someone to tell me it’s okay.