There has been so much change within this year. but I feel like I'm just kinda heading down hill in some ways. I had to break off my 8 year relationship and leave my 9 year old daughter behind. With many emotional episodes in between the lines and still a lot of mental recovery for all of us I guess. At this point I'm even scared to be fully honest on a venting website. It still feeling like he is watching me and will use anything to keep as proof that I am a terrible mother. But this is what I mean these thought of being scared and not being able to share what I want to isn't good. I always feel like something worse is about to happen so I'm on fight or flight mode all the time. It's hard to move on when you spent so many years with someone and you have no choice to leave because there was problems that we were causing and creating. There was physical abuse and financial abuse, addiction and so much more but having to come to terms with and tryingto except what was my reality.