Been addicted to porn since I was 13, my wife thinks I stopped when she found out years ago, but I will either feel sick if I try not to look at it when my brain gets that neural pathway going, or I will just absentmindedly look up memes and before I know it I'm 2 hours into trying to find a video I saw over a decade ago. It's too easy to find this stuff, and everyone is either so disgusted by it I can't tell them, or is so okay with it that it disgusts me. I don't want to be told it's normal, I want to not feel the urge to watch other people having sex while being unwilling to do it with my wife, and even if I thought it was okay for me, she has self-esteem issues and would think I want these other women instead of her. I'm sure I've collectively spent a year of my life just browsing for porn and I'm so sick of it. People tell me to pray about it, but it seems God either wants me to overcome it myself, or confess to my wife, but I can't do that to her, I'd rather die than hurt her.