I can’t stand the way someone who actively talks behind my back and stays drama and treats me terribly is a favourite of so many people. I can’t even begin to try and express this to my other friends because they all love her and would definitely defend her and take her side over mine. And that just makes my heart hurt worse, so at the end of the day I am left with my arms full of all those anger and longing to have someone notice me struggling and believe me when I tell them what is bothering me. I used to think about creative ideas for art and what books I was going to read next, but now all that joy as fizzled out until the only thoughts I ever seem to have are ones about cutting or dying. I am so envious that someone who can be so awful has so many friends and support, and I am just left feeling like someone watching from the outside time after time after time. I’m not even sure I exist as an important person to anyone anymore. I want to be somebody’s favourite, even just once.