i feel sad because i dont know anymore what im doing with my life i kept on working hard day by day but the people here or my support system keep showing signs of wanting to die and hating their life too. its frustrating that the very person whom you should make as fuel to do good in everything are slowly breaking apart. i hated the fact that i have to deal with this dysfunctional family its a burning house everyone are not realy connected i cannot even call it home. i plan on running away with everything and if i cant run i rather end it. now i have an exam even if i have a heavy heart and cant focus i dont have a choice but to force myself and set aside every feelings like bottle them up. i wish life was a little bit gentle to me and it wont make me suffer this much. i wish everything would just end and i wont have to go to school with a mask trying to make myself stay cool about everything even if its breaking me.

i just want to sleep and never wake up

I have a lot of overdue assignments but I can't find the energy to do them. I have been thinking a lot about my grades, they are okay for now but I haven't been able to find the energy to actually put in effort. I am worried about being the failure of my family because my siblings are awesome and smart. One of them has their masters, and another one has their PHD. At school my friends are always getting good grades at everything. I often feel that I can't measure up. At the moment it is currently 11:00pm and I should be sleeping because I have school tomorrow and I haven't had good sleep for the fast week but I tried doing my homework and I ended up writing a paragraph about how I am a failure, and now I am writing on this. I am just going to go cry for about an hour now.