For nearly 5 years of my early childhood about 6-11 me, my mom, and my sister were stuck in a house with my abusive ex-stepdad. I never actually called him my dad though since my bio dad still saw me every now and then. He started relatively calm, but as the hears went on, he started yelling and getting really angry over smaller things. My mom couldn’t leave because she had no job. However, she would leave for multiple days on end leaving us with him. I stayed in my room. When they were together, they would argue about things i cant even remember. Often times they would ask my opinion so i avoided them altogether. It got worse and worse. Single arguments would last over months and extend deep into the night. I remember that my mom would say not to get out of bed as to not wake my sister. Im realizing that he would actually rape my mom and then try to hide it. My mom eventually saved enough and got us out of there after a risky escape. After that i never spoke the same.

I have Anorexia Nervosa and I think its a disorder thats eating me. I think every time that I skip a meal, when I don't even take a bite my body starts to eat itself, and starts to rot inside. Its horrible. But the thing is that if I eat I start to violently throw up. It seems like there's no point of eating since I'm just getting waste it by vomiting. I don't understand, it all started in 4th grade when I decided to skip lunch at the cafeteria because my school didn't have any common sense and a teacher tried to send me to fat camp. My mom told me that I'm not even overweight, and I'm average. I was 4,10ft and weighed 81 pounds. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY DID THE PEOPLE THAT I THOUGHT WAS SMART THINK SO DUMB OF ME. I was scared to eat in front of my teachers and students so I just stopped, saying that I'm not hungry. What happened now? I'm 16 years old 5,6ft, and weigh the same amount of pounds, 81 pounds. I think I really am dying, I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.

My health is getting worse I feel like day by day. I think I'm rotting inside and slowly outside, as I've been ghosting all my friends, slipping grades and eating less. Gosh eating makes me feel guilty. I did get diagnosed with depression months ago and I'm not sure if its coming back. I want my medicine back. I'm scared to lose people but its just me, losing them. Its my fault for not speaking anymore to then. Its painful to grab my phone. I don't even get anymore messages, I've been stuck at 8 notifications for at least 4 months, and they are just my mom or scam callers. I had A+ or A's every grade, but now, in 9th grade, I'm dying, its hell, I'm a failure. Teachers probably look down at me as a dumb stupid idiotic child, which I probably am. I also am dealing with an abusive partner that I left, don't worry but its scary. Why are they threatening me when I was just defending myself, that I didn't want to send photos. I'm not important, people just use me, I'm a last place medal kid.