I am a failure. I havent done any of my school work and I have a lot of overdue work. I am probably the disappointment of the family. I have ADHD so that makes everything worse. One of my friends joke about autism. They call random people autistic as if that is a bad thing, and they also do the same with people being ADHD, and that makes me think that I am different because it takes me so much energy just to start on a project but for others it takes them 2 seconds and they have a whole idea of what to do and what to make. I also have misophonia which means I have emotional responses to trigger sounds such as: sniffling, talking, eating, and other noises. My grandparents have been staying with us for a couple of months and the way they eat and talk triggers me so I can barely be in the same room as them without wanting to cry. The stages of my misophonia starts at a mild annoyance, then it moves up to anger, then I want to cry so I try not to, but trying not to cry results in self harm

For nearly 5 years of my early childhood about 6-11 me, my mom, and my sister were stuck in a house with my abusive ex-stepdad. I never actually called him my dad though since my bio dad still saw me every now and then. He started relatively calm, but as the hears went on, he started yelling and getting really angry over smaller things. My mom couldn’t leave because she had no job. However, she would leave for multiple days on end leaving us with him. I stayed in my room. When they were together, they would argue about things i cant even remember. Often times they would ask my opinion so i avoided them altogether. It got worse and worse. Single arguments would last over months and extend deep into the night. I remember that my mom would say not to get out of bed as to not wake my sister. Im realizing that he would actually rape my mom and then try to hide it. My mom eventually saved enough and got us out of there after a risky escape. After that i never spoke the same.

My health is getting worse I feel like day by day. I think I'm rotting inside and slowly outside, as I've been ghosting all my friends, slipping grades and eating less. Gosh eating makes me feel guilty. I did get diagnosed with depression months ago and I'm not sure if its coming back. I want my medicine back. I'm scared to lose people but its just me, losing them. Its my fault for not speaking anymore to then. Its painful to grab my phone. I don't even get anymore messages, I've been stuck at 8 notifications for at least 4 months, and they are just my mom or scam callers. I had A+ or A's every grade, but now, in 9th grade, I'm dying, its hell, I'm a failure. Teachers probably look down at me as a dumb stupid idiotic child, which I probably am. I also am dealing with an abusive partner that I left, don't worry but its scary. Why are they threatening me when I was just defending myself, that I didn't want to send photos. I'm not important, people just use me, I'm a last place medal kid.