All Rants

oh my god why does my mom get to yell and hit me and call me out my name when she's upset about something unrelated to me but when I get even a little loud when im upset about something and shes on a power trip and wants to make it difficult, im the disrespectful child??? im the bad guy??? I'm so confused. sometimes I get so fucking tired of my mom wailing "WHY HAVEN'T YOU STOPPED HARMING YOURSELF YET?!!" but then you do some stupid shit like this. i can't do this much longer i need to get out of here or im going to slit my inner wrist and let the blood skeet out i cant i fucking cant.

dude i’m in this friend group that i’ve been in for years and this summer i’ve gotten really close with one of them, right??? me and this other girl are really similar in the way that we think and our differences compliment each other and we have good conversations and everything, but i wanna make it clear that the majority of the conversations me and her have are open to the others and in the group chat. another one of our friends acts as if we leave them out all the time, but shys away from talking about and listening to serious things that affect me and the other girl in our lives, doesn’t care to get to know either of us, and just expects us to praise them and give them what they want without being a good friend at all. it’s insulting and i really hate the way that they act because they also can’t join a conversation without it having to be a self-deprecating comment that makes the whole conversation awkward. does this make any sense idk…

Why does my mom love my dad more than me? It's technically correct, but why do I feel so unloved by all of her? It's not like she shouldn't love my dad as much as she does, but it feels like I'm just her annoying child.

Dear Tanisha. My girl. I still love you, I’m sorry. -maggs.

Dear Alex, you were right. I should’ve listened the first time you said “idk about being friends…i don’t wanna get left again.” But i left for the right reasons, you acted as if i was a ‘sl^t’. I didn’t join that s3x game first, huh? I was seeing what you and fish’s sister were doing in that game. I’m glad I left you. -:@**s.

Dear, Barha (I don’t know how to really spell your name…sorry.) I never meant to hurt you. It was never my intention, I always meant that I didn’t want you roplaying as the depressed side character- i wanted you to be equal to the GC. I don’t know how you got ‘I don’t like you’ from “no, besties only rp pls” my intentions were to include you in everything, I’ve always tried to. I’m sorry you thought I hated you- but i genuinely liked you. I wish you could’ve told me sooner that you thought my words were meant to hurt you- in which i didn’t know they hurt you because i thought you understood that i didn’t want you to be a poor side character that gets ignored. I still think about you from time to time..wondering how you are. I wish i could apologize properly, i remember i did. But i wish i said more to you. Other than that… i apologize again that you genuinely thought my words were meant to harm you, in fact that was not the case. —:@**#. (Our secret talk </3)

How come you like him over me? I was there first. He just appeared and bullied you. Should i have bullied you then? Or am i that different that you couldn’t handle my kindness?

I’m so fat I’d probably break the rope

I am so mad at myself for not seeing it. Every second of every day in middle school I wished and dreamed to finally find my person. I told my shitty middle school friends I liked him and they said he was gross so I let it go. I heated him say all those nice things and thought nothing of it. HE ASKED TO TOUCH MY FREAKING HAIR and i thought nothing of it. He called me pretty in any and every way he could when we were near. Now it’s high school, I no longer have bad friends, only one who is amazing, but i still regret never asking him to be the hand that I can hold, to be the one to lay in the grass with, and just be. What the heck younger me -LD

I’m so tired mentally I want it all to end I don’t have the energy to go outside I keep crying over nothing all my best friends moved away I want it all to end I want to start cutting again I used to be so innocent never insecure always so happy now I’m not as innocent I lost all the light in my eyes I’m so insecure I always suck it in just too look skinny so I can fit in and I feel like all my smiles are forced and that when someone has it worse than me I have to comfort them i JUST WANT IT TOO END!

I can't wait to be old enough to leave my family. They've made me cry everyday this past week, I'm too scared to confront them about it, and they never even apologize. I know that they're not as bad as they could be, but I know they could be better. They're nicer to our bunnies than they are to me, and it's a good thing they teart them well, but they aren't treating their own family kindly, do they even deserve to have pets?

Over and over again, envying aristocrats with nothing to gain from it. Rudely dismissed, mentally raped. Trying to crawl out of my own skin wearing a cross, trying to flay myself to emerge from the bounding chains of history as a different person. Be somebody else. Fuck somebody else.

People thinking my “gooning era” and it’s returning now is just something silly while I’m just trying to feel good for at least a few seconds. Honestly, don’t even understand why people act so grossed out or shocked when someone mentions that they’ve fapped. Like, grow up and stop pissing me off.

I lost all respect for a coworker bc of the fact that he is too scared to talk to me bc it'll hurt my feelings but you go to the GM THAT OVERREACTS AND NO ONE AT THIS FUCK ASS JOB LIKES HIM OR WANTS TO TALK WITH HIM BC HE PUTS EVEYONE DOWN AND MAKES EVEYONE FEEL LIKE SHIT BUT UR ONLY APOLOGIZING BC HE ACTUALLY MADE ME CRY YOU DONT ACTUALLY CARE !!! Like you know how he acts and reacts to us but ' oh I didn't know it'll end like this ' okok yeah suree

I wasted my childhood. I wish I were a kid again.

orgh I don't want her back or using this to get back with her yeah she was cool n I do miss her but like I don't fuck with the allegations / what's been popping up about her. I just miss her that's rlly it LMAOO

I love him to an unhealthy level. I can't tell anyone, it's so dehumanizing, even my therapist would look at me in disgust if I told her. I want him to look at me and think I'm pretty, I want him so bad. I feel so gross clinging onto his every word like a madman, he doesn't even know I'm listening. I've tried to forget about him but he's everywhere, I love him so much it's destroying my life. I'd follow him to the afterlife if I weren't selfish enough to want to live. Please. I love him.

I cut contact with Poly (fake name) because she kept asking me for cash I didn't have. The cash was blood money from politicians. The cash was blood money from my creativity. The cash was blood money as she was sent down to spy on me as an agent of Moloch. Poly was never mine, she changed masks in bed each night.

I'm envious of flirting and courtship. I'm so isolated and repressed intellectually that I don't get that, just loneliness that forgets the human race. In my loneliness, in insanity, could just forget that other humans exist and hold myself as the last human on the planet. I have found people who understand these kinds of issues, though they turn their noses up at me in aristocratic disgust and I'm just expected to carry on. I don't want to share anything with anyone but to just take intimacy from them, and in this situation, I feel it would ruin us both. I can't degrade myself like a dog and get pig drunk. I'm moralistic here but I crave a whorehouse. I don't know. I don't want to be sent back to the institution again just because I have no one to talk to, no one to fuck and share pain with so I can heal. If I could suck the dicks of my therapists I'd be happier.

i hate being queer in my conservative town in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. i hate going to school and never fitting in. i want to leave to a bigger city and actually live my life but i can’t because i’m too young to move out. i hate being too girly. i just want to leave. i just want to be normal. i hate myself.