All Rants

Im so irritated all the time. Everyday it feels like im gonna cry from anger. I have a chronic illness that makes my life so miserable in the sense that everything is inconveniently painful. It’s not blaring pain, or debilitating by any means, it’s just inconvenient aching and throbbing everywhere, all the time. For 15 years I’ve been bottled up in my own pathetic misery, and I just can’t fucking take it no more. I just want to feel nothing for once. To be consciously aware that I don’t feel my joints throbbing under my skin every second of every day. I want to be free. Not dead, not anymore at least, just numb. I want to be numb from everything, mentally and physically. But that’s not possible. So I will remain. I will remain here in my misery because that’s what the universe gave me. I will finish my education in my misery. I will love in my misery, I will hate in it, I will cry and I will laugh in it, for that’s the only thing I have the power to do.

I find it so odd how someone who you think is your best friend one day can abandon you, use you, and manage to be so self centered that she makes it about herself, and the next day, she acts like she doesn't even know you. It's so fucking stupid. Like how can you be so stupid, ignore me, make my life a living hell, and yet YET they ALWAYS manage to make thinks about yourself? Quick tip: If someone hurts you once, shame on them, but if they hurt you twice, shame on you. Don't let yourself get hurt because someone stupid, you deserve better. Whoever is reading this, you deserve better and no matter what you've been through, no matter how badly people abuse you, just know that you're stronger, better, and far more worthy than them. Person across the screen, good luck, don't make my mistake, cause with friends like that, who needs enemies? Stay safe and strong, you're cared for, and even if you can't find who, just know that you'll find the right person :) <3

every little thing that I do, my mom always finds a way to make it an issue. when i give someone CONSTICTIVE criticism, I'm being mean, when I eat and a crumb gets on the table, I'm messy, and it's like nothing can please her. she's not even my real mom, she's just my stepmother and I hate her. because she's such a bitch, my twin doesn't speak to me

Dirty fucking bastard. That's what my dad is. I hate to say it but I don't deserve to be treated the way he's treated me. Hell play so caring to his acquaintances. Don't need you? Acts like you're worthless. I don't need people like that. I'm human I have emotions too not that anyone cares in my family. I go through enough on a daily basis I don't need a drunken abusive uncaring so called father too. Least I'm smart enough NOT to abuse my meds. Don't matter what he does mom always defends him in the dog in the end leaving me hung out to dry on my own like me nor my feelings matter and I'm invalidated. Yay me.

Another thing. My relative was all boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo about their situations, stopped n whined at our house, then ran once they were done. They knew I was being abused and going thru hell in that house. Completely ignored that fact as long as they could whine about themselves, unimportant unserious things. They used the bathroom and heard me go shoo and they mocked me. It meant i didn't want you there gtfo you heartless one sided bitch. It was all hahahahahahahaha when you had your significant other who turned out using you as a side piece. But once they offended them it's like the earth stopped because heaven forbid they get done wrong YET they themselves TREATED ME LIKE ABSOLUTE DOGSHIT AND I WAS WORTHLESS. but them oh they wanted the queen of England treatment or it was whining victim playing to high heaven. That's part of why I'm so messed up. I'm so sick of shitty people period. I'm not the problem I'm kind to everybody. I need to get out of here period somehow.

I just feel like shit regarding the lack of clarity I have from a close relationship... it's like it's affecting my work and other tasks. She doesn't hang out or make an effort to do so saying she's too overwhelmed or whatever with issues in her personal life, but she'll proactively make an attempt for other people and their bullshit

So not only does my dad use me. But once I'm put in a predicament BECAUSE OF him, he tells me "there's not a thing I can do about that". Oh?! Really now? you using dirty uncompassionate bastard. My former ex uncle and late uncle were right about him when I overheard them calling him an asshole. It made me mad at first but the way he mistreats me it's the truth. If it hadn't been for me he'd about have croaked from drug withdrawal abusing his meds. Now that I'm in a predicament because of him I'm just given the middle finger as he acts like the only thing matters in house is his fucking medicine. Don't screw over those who bail you out of a bad situation. You'll be sorry. Sorry can't help you huh? Maybe that's what I should've told him dirty bastard. You wanna be wicked to me I'll show you how awful I can be in return. I'm normally not like this I simply can't handle crappy people and crappy behavior and b s. Had it not been for me (nobody else has this medicine) he could've died. 🖕U 2

I miss my old best friend. idk if it was the age we met, or the things we talked about, but I miss you and think of you constantly. I feel bad because even though I'm older, have a job, in a happy relationship, and just in a whole other era of my life. I feel like I can't let go of you and I wish you could reach out, but it just shows you never cared as much as I did

On another note moms like its ok baby to the dog. I go so you care more about the dog than you do me? She goes and I quote "don't be jealous of the dog" 🤯 WHAT THE FUCK IM YOUR SUPPOSED BLOOD FAMILY AND THIS IS HOW I GET TREATED. yeah. Lucky me. Family like her and the abusive drunk, who needs enemies. Maybe I should make a suicide plan since I'm so unwanted. I'm the enemy for an addiction a raging drunk can't control and so is mom if he don't give into his demands , then plays the no memory card once he sobers up. I want fucking vengeance one way or another. Not to mention not a single soul will let me stay with them one effing night in this town including the victim playing one sided disrespectful relative I have that wouldn't care if I was dead in the gutter somewhere. Shed just go that's sad but anyway. Me me me me me me is how she is. This is friggin unbelievable shit I have to go through smh :(

My dad's an effing drunk. Ok. So this morning earlier he fucking exploded on me because I wouldn't allow him to do something. He doesn't normally act this way heavily influenced by drugs a mixture of meds. He Will always claim oh I just blacked out took 2 that's the last thing I remember. He's a fucking monster in between, mom won't do anything but hump up and take his abusive behavior. This is why I'm so numb to him. Over and over and over again. He claims no memory but I remember it all he apologizes for nothing. I felt like fucking hurting him. I did not deserve to be exploded on because baby can't get his way (he gets drunk and can't take care of his meds. He will fully have mom and I then to monitor them to him. ) but don't give him what he wants he makes you the enemy and turns into a fucking raging gorilla or grizzly bear. I need him out of my life plain and simple. That's why NOBODY will have anything to do with him cuz he ripped them off In past etc. I'm screaming forvengeance

The marine and octopus spirts are more powerful than God.

I'm just to tired. My second year in high school has been the most draining school year I have had, even though everyone around me said that its the best one. I stay awake in the night thinking about everything that causes me stress and during the day I sleep, even on lesson but thats not enough. My mom also being a single mother with me and my brother doesn't help, seeing her struggle with choosing if we pay the bills or buy food for us. I have thought about killing myself just so my mom wouldn't have to worry about using money on me, I thought about doing it in the end of summer so I wouldn't have to go back to school and have my final exams, but I can't do that.. not after all of what she has done for me. My problems make me feel selfish, knowing that there are other people with way harder life than I have and who want to live while they can't. And here I am a sad pathetic 17 year old who doesn't want to be selfish but also doesn't have the energy to go on.

recently have NOT been doing well mentally, and like, my life ISN'T HALF BAD. but it always feels like something is missing, something is wrong ... me and my bsf had a 'little falling out' recently, and i understand responsibility falls on the both of us, but sometimes she manages to VICTIMISE herself even when admitting fault. She'll be like ' yeah, i tend to get mad and hold grudges easy' and then follow up with ' you say a lot of harsh things, and i don't think you realise it' WHEN SHE WAS THE ONE WHO STARTED CALLING ME THOSE THINGS FIRST ??? she calls me fat, overeater, lazyass, ALL KINDS OF THINGS. AND YEAH, I CAN'T BE MAD BECAUSE MY LIFE IS PEACHY AND PERFECT. ( spoiler alert, it isn't. ) and we have a friendgroup, yes ? YES ??? she's the de-facto 'leader' because she's close to everyone, and SHE'S JUST ALWAYS PLAYING THE MAIN CHARACTER. she's ALWAYS INVOLVED, always STICKING HER NOSE WHERE SHE DOESN'T BELONG. i just can't rn, she's being like my toxic ex bsf. WHO BULLIED ME BTW.

i am so lonely, but its my own fault, i dont reach out or try to stay in contact with anyone, i have no real friends and i just want someone to talk to but when ever i try i end up distancing myself anyway , i just want it all to be over

I see it coming. It's inevitable. Caught up in bright headlights. I am loosing grip with reality. Paralyzed in fear, I am being forced to drop on my knees. How much longer before it all explodes in my face? I don't know how to stop it all. I wish I did it better. Wish that I felt like I deserve something good. But I am not even worthy to take up space. I shrink myself, and still feel like too much. I act and try so hard but that's I'll ever be-a mere try hard. I need space, I am suffocating. I need time, but time wont wait for me. I just wish I was in control, I wish I was better. I have seen the outcome before, this time is going to be the same. Mark my words. Just so nauseous, I can't move on.

My ex and I haven’t been broken up with since a month ago and she posts on social media with music that i introduced to her. This really boils my blood way more than i thought, and it’s making me LIVID, fuck you bitch!

I failed everyone... but nobody ask me why.. They say that I was lucky, but they don't know what's happening behind those closed doors, inside that house, inside the bathroom, inside my room (which supposed to be my safe space). No one ever in my family what I want, no family talk that will not end up physically hurting me just because I didn't/don't agree, just because I want to play, go out with friends.Npobody, no one. Still, I'm the one to blame.

Rock bottom, hard hit, this is fucked up life, I'm going nowhere, I'm nothing, I'm a free-loader, coudn't get a job, nobody hires me.... ... I'm a mess.

I love you co, I can't take much more of this , you be the co and I will the cob and she can be our coach. cob & co coach. there. I said it. thank you, I want you. lets screw in the carriage. walk back here now.

i hate my life. like genuinely. i cant go through a day without someone critisising me for every little thing that i do. and i do accept critics, but its just so shitty when u do it just to ragebait someone, and u both know that its not a joke, youre just doing it to fuck with their brain and make them feel like shit about their body, thoughts and every fucking thing going through their brain and its something that i think is so shitty for someone to do. plus, there is a group of girls in my school, and they make it their business to bully me about every boy i interact with, cause they know i aint lesbian, but they make it their whole fucking business to act like all i do is fawn over men when in reality, i am the most down to earth person in our whole fucking class, and the first thing they wanna do with their time is use it all to make me feel like shit, and making me so insecure and feel so fucking ugly, when i know that theyre so fuckin choppd no guy they like looks at them