All Rants

I’m a mess. I’ll be this way forever

The people who says girl should support other girls, we should be there for eachother and all of that crap, are such hypocrites. Cause, when getting dih is on the line, they magicaly forget about their own speech

Is it bad to be so (I’ll admit it 😔) down bad for someone you cute without the e yourself for them and imagine them cutting you and you make a whole ass playlist on Spotify about your love for them but yk they won’t like you back :/

I wished you liked me back. You’re so funny and talented and fun and weird and attractive and it sucks that im so far away. It sucks that I wanna die sm and im so ugly and fat and disgusting and I wouldn’t be good for you. I was so fucking stupid to think you liked me back. Every “I love you” and flirtatious joke abused my heart and I just can’t fucking take it. I want to hold your hand and hold you and go to your concerts and watch you play guitar and watch movies and paint and go on walks/bikerides ROMANTICALLY. I’m sick of all the back and forth but I just can’t let you go. Why do you hurt me like this? I’ve cut myself for you, i imagine you killing/hurting me all the time because YOU WONT LEAVE MY FUCKING BRAIN. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I FUCKING HATE YOU. YOU DONT TALK TO ME ANYMORE. WERE SUPPOSED TO TALK, ARENT WE BEST FRIENDS???IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU. but fuck, I love you. and you’ll never say that back in the way I want you to. im sorry 4 eyes.

i just found out my crush likes me back and im freaking outtt

is it normal to hate overly extroverted people? 😭 like i mean i guess i dont hate them but like a sort of discomfort around them? i dont mind social people when i can see that they aren't so eager to go out all the time and do whatever. like they have somewhat of a control or limit? i guess it's maybe because i don't like a lot of things happening around me. this kinda also applies with chats. group chats with multiple people chatting at once, mentioning e/o just feels overstimulating to me. idk i js wanted to voice this out for some reason. it's dumb but yeah 😭

im tired. of being no one's favourite person, no ones best friend. i feel alone, left out and just there. when someone has news im not the first to hear. i just hate being no ones favourite

I HATE, how i was so stupid, to be there for people. To help them on their lowest. To be there for them. But when was my time. No one . everyone went away, But i dont blame them, why would anyone waste their energy and time being there for me. I hate it more, when i finally had the courage to open up to her, she just, disappeard. She didnt even thought how i would feel. She didnt gave a damm, about me. And all i can do is laugh, laugh so much that i cry. Cause the only possible reason in the universe, to justify the amount of bad things that has ever happen in my life. Is that my life is a joke That the only reason for my existence, is for people to laugh at the tragedies that happen in my life. Just like people laugh when someone falls in public

I have to let this go i shouldn’t let anyone hold me this much. I just think of you so much it hurts, I wanna cry I need a hug. I know I don’t know you that much but you’ve become important to me. And Jesus Christ does it hurt like hell that it’s not reciprocated. I know this is just the universe balancing things out. But it hurts like hell. But growth is never supposed to be easy. I will get through this regardless of how much I miss you. And everyday it will be progress. Then it will get easier eventually I know. It has too. It has before and it is inevitable. I can and will move on

i'm terrified. absolutely beyond terrified. ever since i was a kid i've wanted to be a doctor. even years later and knowing how long the road is, how stressed and exhausted i will be all the time, i still want to be a doctor. i don't have any problems with the school or my willpower or a fear of hard work. but the money. it always comes down to the money, dammit. i'm not rich, i can't even think to pay off 500k in debt that everyone's averaging now. and i'm still so young, i shouldn't be worrying about this at all, i should be studying right now but instead i'm freaking myself out over the absurd cost to become a doctor. i've looked into np and pa, still want to become a doctor. and i hate everything else, i've only ever liked medicine. oh boy what am i gonna do

I miss you. I forgot how it was like to miss someone so much. I try to not let it consume me but it’s hard. Why is it so hard? Every inch I have of you I cherish, I like you madly and I crave you. I thought distance would help but it only makes my heart grow fonder. The dreams haven’t ceased and you’re all I seem to want now days. It’s foolish you don’t care you don’t see and I can’t tell you. I really fucking like you and I miss you I miss being around you I miss hearing you laugh and talk about nerdy shit I miss joking with you and being close to you holding you kissing you what did I get myself into. I just wanted to have fun but I was too blind to see that this casual fling was something I couldn’t fit in too. I’m not casual I’m not nonchalant I’m one of the most chalant cheesy mf out there and here I am acting as if I don’t care but I care a lot more than you can think or ever know so much so it makes me sick or wanna cry because I just miss you so much and I can’t keep going

I feel so numb. I'm so young yet I have so much trauma. No one believes anything. I've been through sexual and mental trauma but no one believes it. Why does everyone in my family say I'm a disappointment? I have so many possible mental disorders but even my therapist just thinks I'm being dramatic because being bipolar or schizophrenic, etc at my age is attention seeking. I thought your fucking job was to listen. Not judge. you piece of shit.

just had yet another fight with my dad. i was so disrespectful. i hate it. yet i still did it. i hated saying what i said, so why did i say it. why did i do that. i hate what i said. i hate myself for saying it. i hate myself for writing this for people to see. i hate almost crying. i hate what ive become.

I feel disgusting and fat. I constantly get comments about what I eat, how much I eat, and how quick. I once got called "piggy" by my neighbor for eating 2 slices of pizza. 2. Slices. When I get food, people always ask me, "Are you really gonna eat all of that?" "Do you need all of that?" I starve myself all the time. I once starved myself until I was in so much pain that I could barely even walk. I just want to be supported and accepted no matter what I eat.

I hate everything. I'm being forcefully isolated and I can't live like this anymore. I want to kill myself. I miss everyone.

whymewhymewhyme I just wanna be able to sleep at night without panicking I just wanna be able to go a day without wanting to harm myself and feeling everything so extreme I just wanted to have a fun life that's all I want why did this have to happen to me why did this have to happen I jusy wanna be a normql person whqts wrong with me why idontwannt be myself iwannwtokillmyself

Imgonnakillnyselfimgonnakill myself imgonnakillngself I'm gonnabashmyhesd into a wall imgonnafucingjumpoffabridge

Im gonnastabmyself in the head

I want to bash my head into a wall until I get a head wound so bad I die

guys, genuinely how do u survive college. like idk but like i have no energy to go and socialize and "make friends" with people. like i'd get making at least 1 or 2 friends but i'm not into joining a huge friend group. it seems like a majority of the people in my course are one big friend group. ik there are others who aren't in this friend group, but it seems like they alrdy have friends themselves. idk it just feels like having gone through elementary to high school, i've gotten tired of people and just want a few friends lately. as much as possible, not rlly having to interact with anyone tbh. am i just a loser? do i js not have a life? idk, i rlly dunno anymore.