All Rants

i have friends but yet im still so alone, everywhere i look, left and right everyones got a 'bestfriend'. Ive got my own trio too but i feel like its breaking apart and i am genuinely starting to feel like peter parker in the new spiderman movie, the guy who still gets up every brand new day to be peter and spiderman despite the troubles he goes through and does not give up, and I want to be like him too but its so hard. when will I ever find my person?

Everyday is just constant fights with my parents and brother I just dont want to do this anymore

I sometimes feel like there's a general impatience now in people. And I see it a lot in drivers. They don't wait anymore. They just want to barrel through, causing only more accidents. They get so much road rage and cause unnecessary harm or death when all that could have been avoided by waiting. It's like patience isn't taught anymore.

I really hope the people who bullied me at school do a Perez. Maybe I should anonymously torment them online again so that they can finally feel some shame about themselves. I'll keep messaging them "when are you going to do a Perez, bully?". I may make a new anonymous account and follow them so that I don't miss the satisfying livestreams. I don't care that we're all nearly 30. It's never too late for consequences, whether you're 30 or 48 or even 103. Watching videos of my former bullies breaking down and harming themselves would make me happier than MDMA, and there'll be no comedown either, I will be permanently ecstatic.

Going to court to allow him to destroy The White House to put in a unwanted and annoying ballroom, is evidence Trump is not a true American following the constitution.

I feel like I put so much effort into the barely hanging on friendships I have, and get none in return. I try to be the one reaching out, keeping conversations alive and all that, and yet no one feels like I myself am worthy of that. Trying to make new friendships is even worse, and I just don't know where to go from here. Sometimes it feels like people want fans more than they want friends, they just want the love and support without having to lift a finger.

The hollow feeling in my hearts gone now, not as in its been filled but more as in im living with it. I need a distraction 24/7, I had summer school, it kept me away from my thoughts. But anytime there's more than a day off, it creeps back.. my stomach hurts. Not as in im hungry, or a stomach bug. It aches for something more than whats in front of me. It turns to the left when I look at my repetitive hair, it turns to the right when I look at my unideal face thats never touched a day of makeup. It churns whenever I see my grades go down, the whole future I have planned out crashing to the ground. What if I can't do it, what if rhe universe doesnt let me do it, what if im not smart enough to do it, what if i can't do anything else after it? It scares me, having to think about everything alone. what is it that I haven't healed from that hurts the hollowness in my heart, making it deeper and bigger every second, what is it that makes my stomach rumble and churn with evrry moving step.

Honestly im starting to feel confused, angry, disappointed, and numb I currently feel like so much is going on in my life and everyday I distract myself from it knowing I have to actually face my problems, make this long story short, I just found out my mom can't afford this house were in and we have to move in with my uncle very shortly, I love my boyfriend I really do I love till the moon and back, but sometimes i feel like I waste his time or be mean to him when I really don't want to put anything on him because he's the best and so forgiving, sometimes I find other people attractive or they might talk to me but like as friends but im to awkward to even want to talk to people because I feel so out of place when im anywhere but home and with my mom and brother but sometimes around them I feel weird, I only have one true best friend and I hope I don't lose her, ik this just sounds like a teen complaining but really I always feel this awkward sadness ever since I was 10.

i just miss them. so so much. like i think theyre still so beautiful and handsome. i could stare at them for hours, with their gorgeous eyes and the way they dress. they even started dressing similar to my style, its adorable. i love them, yet we arent together anymore. it still feels like we are, sometimes i find myself forgetting. it sucks. alot. i wanted to marry them, imagining them in a handsome tux. god i want a life with them so badly. i hope they still feel the same, it feels like they still love me

whenever i feel like i might be doing good mentally again, it just all goes downhill. I try to find things that i like doing, but then my parents take that away from me because they think that i will be better off without it. Sometimes I think that i would be better off without them. it's hard because I still love them. "You know I love you" "You have a very funny way of showing it" Coraline- 2009

my mom is drinking again. i love her so much, but i also hate her so much. i miss the times when she didn't drink. she's always weird when drunk. never violent, but i remember crying one time because she was drunk and squeezed my elbow, which hurt. i was eleven. eleven and crying over my drunk mother. her and my dad used to get into arguments about her drinking in the past. i remember one day my dad found an empty bottle in the bathroom and confronted her about it. today i found out she bought two bottles of smirnoff watermelon vodka. she has fatty liver, and had been clean for so long from alcohol. my dad was deployed yesterday. today i found the two bottles. i'd rather drink them myself than have my mom relapse again.

so i am on a computer right now that i guessed the password at 3 am to so that i could use it at night because my mom took the FAKE PHONE that she bought for me because she doesn't trust me away and i dont have an iPad or anything like that. Here is like one chunk of stuff my mom does... She tells me that i am a disappointment and that she dosnt know what to do with me and just always gets on my nerves and says that i am such a big burden and stuff and she is so mean and then when i do something slightly mean that you could take in a mean way she gives me the silent treatment for like five days and she takes EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME i used to be able to post videos on capcut and had some a few hundred followers and then she took that away which was one of my favorite things to do and i love music and it helps me not do sh and not km and she took that away from me. she thinks she is doing what's best for me but she is literally doing what is the worst for me. so yea there is a little bit

I’m in an awful marriage, the loneliest I’ve ever felt and I’ve only had a couple of friends in life. He treats me so poorly and I’ve realized I’ve treated him poorly because of what he did to ruin our marriage. We are complete opposite and whatever he wants I don’t want. I can’t trust him. He lies to me. He goes behind my back. I can’t take it anymore. I feel defeated. We have a child together and I don’t know how I’m going to get myself together so our son doesn’t see me this way. He’s cheated on me going on onlyfans . Spent over 1000 dollars on subscriptions and couldn’t help me with my finances when I struggled for the basic needs for our family. He has been sending women money and won’t give me a dime even though I do work full time so I pay for most of my things but I don’t make as much as he does. So when my money runs and I don’t have enough he tells me I’m bad with my money when it call goes to the other half of the bills I have to pay. I’m so done!

Just feeling so sad, lost, and like I’m making things up as I go haha Seeiously trying my best to stay positive, waiting on my next therapy appt haha , I just hope I can get to a place sometime where I feel better, cuz lately I cry every day or feel not like myself, let’s hope things r looking up ❤️ if things feel bad now, I just know it’ll turn up alright ❤️

I desperately want a do-over. I was violently abused for 17 years in my home before I ran away. I didn't do well in school because I was in fight or flight. I grew up in roaches and bed bugs and coming home to getting beat everyday. They would kick me and punch me and slap me and starve me and it ruined me. I'm expected to function as an adult and I simply don't have the capacity. My only other option is homelessness. I've been working since I was 17 and now I'm 21 and all I want is a break and I can't take it. It's so unfair. I'm not attractive and I'm not intelligent and guys don't even look at me. I'm currently staying on someone's couch while I save up to move from the Midwest to the Pacific Northwest when all I really want is a do-over. It's not fair. I don't understand what I did to deserve everything that happened to me. I feel like I was robbed of so much potential. I'm so sad. It's not fair.

bruh im tired of work man im so fucking burnt out dude holy shit - i used to love my job, and to an extent still do. The perks are amazing, pay is top of the industry, like its truly a blessing to be in this situation. I try to tell myself that its a blessing to feel overwhelmed by a life that i once prayed for - but HOLY FUCKKKK im so BURNT OUTTT. The deadlines, the expectations (Especially with bullshit ass AI coding garbage slop) , constantly changing goals at the company. I cant even open my laptop to do basic tasks anymore, even the slightest bit of friction and i want to turn everything off. I keep making stupid mistakes i never wouldve before, i dont even worry about getting fired from the job anymore because im so jaded (Even though i know i need this job, especially in this job market), but im just so BURNT OUT MAN FUCKKKKKKKKKK WHY THE FUCKKK DOES IT FEEL LIKE THISSSSSS, i just need to survive til the winter, take a big fucking break, and quit. Just gotta save money til then

I'm trans (ftm, 16) and I'm so frustrated with everything. I'm only out to my friends, since I tried to come out to my family but I basically got shoved back into the closet. I'm really tired of pretending I'm something I'm not. It's so exhausting. I want to live, I want to survive, but it's so suffocating. My mom's especially the worst person when it comes to that, I try to tell her and she always tries to avoid it, telling me that nothing can change my biology when I know that, telling me I'm not trans since I wasn't like this when I was in the single-digits. I've felt like this since I was 12, and she still tries to deny it. Politicians are pushing more anti-trans laws. I'm tired of being outcasted for what I am. A lot of people don't seem to understand that trans people are human too. I really wish there was a world where people could just coexist and let other people be without trying to change things about their bodies or their minds.

i'm tired of feeling like a burden to everyone around me. i'm so clingy and annoying and everyone keeps telling me to "grow up" im so afraid that at the end of my life everyone is going to leave me because im so hard to be around. i feel like the annoying little cousin at thanksgiving, every day of my life; i make someone i love mad at me or i push too far and they want space. i hate space. i hate being alone, sleeping alone. i wish i had at least one singular person in my life who didn't make me feel like im the hardest person to speak to or be around. my own boyfriend doesn't even want to be around me.

I'm scared she'll eventually see me the way I see myself. I want to know what I look like in her beautiful green eyes. she's perfect in every way. I can't believe someone as amazing as her would want to date someone as boring and ugly and mentally ill as me. I'm so lucky to have her. But I can't help but feel I don't deserve it.

I wanna be seen as more than something but I can’t I wanna stop hurting myself it just hurts so good what’s wrong with me