All Rants

god i don't know why but every single day i end up crying because of what goes on in my family, like both my parents and my siblings cant comprehend any other emotion but constantly being dismissive or angry, im constantly scared to talked to my parents mainly. I feel as if im being put right on a stage crying my literal eyes out half the time, just to be judged every day of my life from simple decisions to big ones. Every word i speak gets put through their ears like its a threat, or a form of attitude and it definitely isn’t. Like every sentence i speak gets translated into a huge puzzle, i just honestly wish that my family could be not bipolar for one fucking day please.

my girlfriend of a year just came out to me as polyamorous yesterday, and im not okay with it. shes already got a boyfriend, a guy shes known for a couple of months. i dont want to know shes got another partner who she already spends more time with than me. i told her id be fine with it as long as she didnt forget about me, but im starting to regret saying that. i want her to be as happy as possible, so i let stuff like this slide cause i know shed be unhappy if she cant feel like herself. i feel like our relationship is going to end very soon, and im devastated just thinking about it.

Why am I so fcking ugly......?

The knots in my stomach tighten. Looking at you is painful. My heart doesn’t sing the way it used too. It doesn’t feel the soothing hums. I feel nothing. Im running on E. I fake my smile. I fake my laugh. I feel the depression creeping up behind me like a heavy shadow. I can never escape the grasp. My anxiety eats me bit by bit. Your presence doesn’t bring ease. You laugh & smile with bliss. You are a phony. You never address our issues. Instead you bury them. I feel very dark at times. My thoughts are tormenting me. I want to escape but i can’t. It will never mend anything. I don’t want you to touch me. Intimacy doesn’t fix the burned bridges. What’s broken can’t be put back together and look identical to what once was. I have no heart strings left for you to tug on. I have to fake everything for you. I want to know what freedom is like. I don’t understand how someone who loves you can be so cruel. This was my way of venting through writing what seems like a poem.

Sometimes, actually a lot of the times, I wish I had a best friend. Someone who I could genuinely connect with and be myself with. Someone who would never judge me, someone who I could constantly relate to, someone who could constantly relate to me. And not someone who would instantly drop me if they found someone else they found interest in. I crave that sort of friendship, where no matter what, we would always be together.

it's SO hard to like anything, because for some reason famous people are either into children or did something else that's disgusting. i've been a fan of obey me since i was in middle school, and now that asmo's VA has been confirmed to be privately messaging and meeting up with minors, i'm so irritated. i've already had like 2 other games i'm into go through something like this, and people are defending miura and babying him. HE'S 46 BRO he should know better it feels to selfish to want to continue playing and being into OM after this, but the team said they were looking into it and working on it, so i don't feel too iffy about it,, but it still feels weird because he's promoted the game and been the face of it like crazy. and everyone would CRUCIFY you if you're even a little sad about the game being affected. like yes, i'm rooting for the victims 100% and i hope they get justice, ofc. i'm also disappointed about my fav game, i'm not saying idc about the victims, ofc i do😭

My parents have never hit me, never screamed at me. Never abused me but I still feel neglected. They never ask how I'm doing, there's never food for me in the house, there's food for THEM but not for me, and when there is I eat it all like a fucking fat ass and then I'm left with nothing until they go shopping again. And the next time they do they buy things I like but hide it from me since they know I'll eat it in a second. My dad can't communicate with my mom about getting me a therapist but he can spend all day watching, creating and surrounding himself with CP/CSAM and zoophilia shit. I wish I had a normal dad. A normal family. A normal life. I wish Ive never moved, I wish I could stay in one town my entire life. I wish I could get my dad arrested. I wish my dad loved me more than he hated my mom

Idk why, but sometimes, i start to hate people or things, even if i don't even know them, I looked it up, and its apparently a sign of having too many insecurities, I get and acknowledge that. But this isn't about insecurities, i would never project my insecurities onto someone... so why do i always feel this way. Tbh, maybe its the fact that i always assume things. Sometimes i just wonder whether there are people who can relate to this. it really affects my life and takes many joys away from me.. idk what to do. I hope that whatever you're going through right now, any hardships, go away, i hope the same thing happens for me too. Sorry for ranting too much. i'm glad i got to talk about this without feeling weird or worrying about being judged. xx

I feel like I'm becoming depressed because of everything that's going on. I can't fucking stand the fact my dad is a pedophile and I know it but I can't prove It and he's so good at hiding that he'll never be caught

I never feel like enough, yeah I know it sounds trivial, but it really affects my life and who I am. I wish I could have someone to talk to. I don't know what to do...

I wish i had a friend )))))))):

Being the youngest child doesn’t always mean being spoiled, I feel so empty inside and lonely 24/7 its annoying. I hate how everyone treats me like Im handicapped and don’t know anything its so frustrating. I’ve been lonely for my whole life and its really hard for me to find anyone real and genuine with me. mom says its because god is keeping me away from bad people but is he really keeping me away from people for my whole life?? I always feel humiliated whenever I hang out with friends and family it makes me look so embarrassing and gross.

I wish everyone had selective mutism for their entire life and horrible unaccepting parents like mine

Control the outcome, it's on you.

To survive you gotta learn that whatever happened doesn't matter and you can always do something about it. Sometimes doing something about it looks like forgetting it, and moving on. Remember: things happen, and we move on.

You think i should be afraid to tell the truth? Ill tell the goddamn truth even as it gets as ugly as it gets. I don't give a fuck about shit.

How do people wake up everyday and go about their day? How do people do it? I don't know how. How do people feel normal? How are people able to feel normal? I don't feel normal at all, there is no peace in life? How do other people have normal family members and some just don't. Why do people need something to feel better? Why do I? Why can't i just feel good all the time or at least neutral? How do some people just have it so bad? And others have it normal. and still claim they got it worse? Why do people just not respect ugly people? Like what the fuck? You act like you're secure and then proceed to not be able to function like a normal person if you're not putting someone else down. And when someone defends theirselves they're suddenly insecure. Like no word that comes out of someone's mouth who is ugly matters at all in society. Like wtf. Even just being a bitch and letting them walk all over you isn't enough. Not reacting isn't enough cause they''ll get insecure again.

My mental health is so fucking bad it ruins my life, well actually the stuff that happened to me ruined my mental health which ruined my life like for fuck sakes dude. OMG. I don't want friendships anymore i don't want women anymore everything just sucks man. Everything is bullshit my family is shit, i isolate, i say no to socializing, nothing makes me happy anymore, i don't see myself going to a job or college anymore. Like what the fuck man What the actual fuck. Daily life is boring, just fucking gray all the time, like there is no sunshine at ALL. There is just this heavy feeling all the time where all traumatic memories come back and just ruin your day no matter if youre free or working or in class. It just sucks man. How the fuck to deal with this, like what are you even supposed to do? Shooting myself in the head, that's what i can do about it.

Save the ten-gendered man for the sheep, for the market made him envy.

WHY ARE HER TEARS MORE VALID THAN MINE BITCH??? You’llregret it one day when I get married