All Rants

if I could have one wish, I would wish I never met "YOU"!

so this is to my mr manager , i know you are tall dark and handsome with brown eyes in the sun . I am just an employee for you .But , in my heart you are the best person I have ever met . the day I saw you walking when you came back from your holiday and the way you started speaking amazed me . I am damn sure you are reading some kind of books on how to influence people cuz you surely influenced me . I like how you say thank you very much after every shift ends . I like how you chase with your cars and overspeed which is being naughty of you but it is very astonishing from my point of view . Yes, I do get jealous when you talk to other people at work . and I also know you are married so I will supress my feelings and live with the memories .

I was dealt a terrible hand, but I can't just kill myself. I have to be eaten by a shark. I have to be shipwrecked, to be torn asunder at sea. I have to freeze out on the Alps. I can't die normally. I have no ambitions, I only crave my own destruction. It would be nice to distance myself from the animals around me, but ultimately, I'd rather destroy myself and the need to set hierarchy along with it.

You made me believe in love, and somehow now it feels like it's my fault for falling. But how could I not? To me, you were everything I had ever hoped to find. You walked into my life, made my heart feel things it had never felt before, and then left before I was ready to let go. Now I'm left gathering the pieces of a heart I didn't break, carrying a hurt I never chose. What I can't understand is how to move on from someone my heart still remembers so clearly. How do I forget you when every part of me still wishes you'd stayed? Sincerely, The girl who fell too hard for you.

the biphobia recently has been getting to me ngl. I know it's mostly online and probably American also, but I genuinely don't see the big deal behind gender and why so many people are so male-centred without meaning to. If I like a girl I'm gay, it I like a guy i am straight, I wish we didn't need labels. because it feels like it only serves to separate us. In neurodivergent so maybe that's why gender doesn't really matter to me, but I'm not pansexual. I have a preference. But I also consider personality to be the most important thing. I hate how ignorant human beings are, I hate how they make life so difficult.

I'm not asking for sympathy, I wish I could commit suicide in a hopeless battle. In a war, in a duel. Just take what little of my pathetic frame I have and strive after my own extinction. I have nothing else but the promise of extinction, to be wiped out in survival of the fittest I'll clearly lose, but the morality of other people holds me back from dying gloriously.

AGH I HATE MY DRAMA TEACHER SO MUCH I USED TO LOVE ACTING BUT BECAUSE OF HER NOW MY SELF ESTEEM HAS PLUMMETED UGH

i hate being the backup friend like im never anyone's first opinion like yes i do have alot of friends but all of them have like their other friend that they're closer too. it's like the more they know me the more they distance themselves, I don't know what i did wrong,i tried to be more kind and patient but it seems like im never anyone's first opinion -★

im so close to suicide, i dont feel like i can live like this anymore, i have to worry about if people like me or if im to annoying, i hate this

Whenever I think of you I picture you black and blue I filter all my hate Into your bloody fate Robber Loss Fail Im sending you some fucken hate mail Your so self absorbed And such a fucken whore To think poor you That I left you Because you never cared about my happiness You only miss That Im not under your foot Everything you put me through and took And you still dont think About how many tears I blink

I hate my father and I wish I didn't. he's put so much religious trauma on me. Even though I've moved away from him i still see and hear him in everything: White cars, heavy footsteps, christian songs, ties, suits, churches, my phone he bought me years ago... he's everywhere and I don't want him to be. I'll panic when I'm wearing clothes he wouldn't let me wear (Like pants, since Pentecostal christian girls can't wear them) because I feel like he's going to yell at me despite not being here... I have no confidence because of him either... it's to the point where if he were gone i'd be happier but i still want my father you know? i loved when he wasn't mad, when he's play video games with me or cook with me, but that rarely happened anyway. why do i still hold on to those memories when they hurt me? I miss him, because I know he's already gone. And to my dad, I'm sorry i couldn't communicate how i felt sooner. I just hope you're at my funeral the day I die. --A

The Girl You Love I don’t want diamonds, I don’t need a throne. I just want somewhere I can call home. A little fire, a little warmth A hand reaching for me in the storm I want flowers.A night that’s planned because you’re in love. I want to feel precious in your hands Not like somebody you just have to understand.I want to tell you when something hurts.Without watching you turn it into what you’re worth.You say you’re never good enough.But somehow I’m the one apologizing for wanting love.So I bite my tongue, I swallow my tears.I make myself smaller just to keep you near.‘Cause every time I tell you what I need.You look at me like you’d be better off without me.I don’t want to be the girl you tolerate.The one you love when she doesn’t ask too much.I don’t want to be your easy, fun escape.While I’m starving for a little tenderness and touch.I want to be the one you can’t wait to see.The one you choose when nobody else can see.I want to feel like I’m your heart, not your burden.

I just relapsed in self harming. I don't know what to do with myself. My parents are coming home in a few hours. I promised to them I wouldn't do it again, because they will put me in a psych ward. I can't do anything.

Idk why but I js don’t feel anything anymore, like I’m kinda empty. Honestly Linkin park is the only thing that’s keeping me alive right now. I just hope I get help and someone just notice. But I have a hard time opening up to people in real life and the councilor don’t actually care about you. And honestly in think my parents deserve a better kid, all I do is rot in my room and never talk to them.

I feel terrible. I needed to look up an artist because I need to choose a favourite artist to talk about for a task. I kind of fell out of love with art after discovering that I'm actually crap at it and good art just reminded me of how crap I was. So I don't really have a favourite artist anymore, I barely thought about art since giving it up. Anyway, I am weirdly good with names, and I remembered the name of an artist that my lecturer in uni talked about like 9 years ago. I looked them up, only to find that they had since come out as non binary and changed their name. So basically I just deadnamed someone and now I feel like a transphobic piece of shit. God I'm so problematic. I hate myself so much.

I was assaulted by my stepbrother and the rest of my family (except my dad and brother) thinks i'm lying. If my stepbrother is reading this, I have something to say to him: I don't know why you did it, or why you won't tell the truth. I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. I FUCKING HATE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO DIE DIE DIE DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH I FUCKING HATE YOU I HOPE YOU BURN AND ROT

This is my father: 1. He would always yell at my mom over the tiniest things 2. Talks back to his father-in-law(my grandpa) who has a heart illness 3. Has no plans for his family's future(He said that he was forced to work abroad[he didnt even think about his family]) 4. Would bang or smash things when he gets riled up—scaring his own daughter and wife (ESPECIALLY DRUNK) 5. Threatens to kill my mother 6. He acts like he owns the house (he doesnt) 7. He's scary when drunk 8. Doesn't care about his own family 9. Makes bullshit excuse just to retain his own reputation 10. Doesn't consider why his daughters are afraid of him,, and just assumes that my mother was corruptig our minds I want to get him out of the house,, because of him,, my grades r flunking, and my mental health is slowly aggravating

guys I just left school pretty much and I don’t remember what we learned and that kinda made me realize that like I didn’t really care about actually learning (well I did) it’s just that passing only really matters so that’s what I made sure I did. Like I just learned it pretty much 2-3 months ago and I have no idea wtf I’m talking about??? I mean once I get back to school I think it’ll come back maybe but it’s js making me realize DAMN. and Ik im not the only person.

Tbh I don't agree with the statement that climate activists keep saying: "this is the coldest summer for the rest of your life" They said that a few years ago and then it pissed it down in the summers after that, yes we had a few heatwaves but also several weeks of cold and rain. And that's probably an even bigger problem, the instability. How is anything meant to adapt to a hot dry summer one year and then constant rain and floods the next? I know weather and climate is never gonna be totally the same every year but it's never been like this. Also I'm planning on going to Download Festival next summer for the whole thing so obviously it's gonna piss it down the whole time

I feel jealous and I hate it. I don't know if it jealousy but I think it is. My sister gets to go to a Twenty On Pilots concert. The same one my aunt said we didn't have enough money for. My sister gets to go with our teacher since they're friends. I really wanted to go and it feels like my dreams have been stepped on twice. The concert is close to my sister's birthday and I don't want to be jealous of a birthday present but I feel like paying for a concert is too much for a birthday present. Because Twenty One Pilots concert tickets aren't cheap. I don't know if it's bad to feel this way but it's frustrating to see my sister go to something I wanted to go to.