All Rants

I have recently been asked by a friend if I'd run away with him. I had accidentally forgotten to take my mood stabilizer that day, so I told him yes, but now I don't want to. I'd feel bad telling him no, especially because he said that this is his last resort before he commits... I am significantly younger than him, but I'm the more mature one... And both of us think he would get severely injured if he were to run away alone. And he isn't a planner- more of a, "run with whatever happens" type of person, meanwhile I do a bunch of research and planning beforehand. I just think I need to run away with him, but I don't know. I just don't know. I have thought about leaving a note the night I leave, explaining everything, and telling them that I left track on so that they can "accidentally" find us... But I'd be betraying his trust... I also don't know what would happen because his parents are emotionally abusive and neglectful.

How is it you can have a great time with the person you are falling for and they know it and they know that you have trauma and overthink everything, and you explain to them such personal things about your trauma and self harm revory and they are they are the ones to cause you to relapse

Today i woke up feeling the weight of my world on my shoulders like atlas but the weight of my world seems to be crushing me. Like im slowly disappearing into nothingness i feel every day i just exists not even really living any more just kind of on auto-pilot, trying my best not to crash out from the overwhelming feeling of uselessness. I try to keep things together for the only people who matter to me now they look up to me thinking im some kind of hero, but they don't understand the mental struggles i am dealing with since the divorce. My life has been in a downwards spiral, like a destructive endless hurricane continuously keeping me in a choke hold but not killing me just holding its grip around my throat enough to function for my day to day. It then will leave for a few months allowing things too start to get better and without warning it swoops back in taking away any and all progress I have made to getting back on track and I feel defeated but know i must push on for them.

We need to talk about Five Nights at Freddy’s. Because the way this fandom acts sometimes is actually wild. First of all, FNAF is not dead. If you think FNAF is dead, you just stopped paying attention. “Oh, but the lore is too confusing now—” The lore has always been confusing. You’re telling me in 2014 you fully understood dead kids, haunted robots, a purple guy, and whatever was happening in those minigames? Be serious. And don’t even get me started on people who say “Security Breach ruined FNAF.” No it didn’t. It just exposed who only liked FNAF when it was simple. Because FNAF was never just about jumpscares. It was about atmosphere, mystery, and your brain doing gymnastics at three in the morning. Hot take: the Mimic is not bad lore. You’re just mad it wasn’t your favorite YouTuber’s theory. And yes, Scott leaving changed things. But acting like the franchise is soulless now is crazy when we’re still getting games, books, and a movie sequel. Let’s be honest. You don’t hate modern

I have exes. Two. I was cheated on by both of them few years ago. After that, I did not date for 6 years and a half. I'm dating someone now and I like the idea of them initiating wearing my hair tie on their wrist (and girly bracelets). Or just hanging my things on their stuff (like bag). Somehow it helps me learn how to trust again and prevent me from spiraling and overthinking if they have someone else (dating or just secretly in their mind). These past few weeks though I noticed they haven't been wearing anything from me. It took me a while to notice which was a surprise because I was overly sensitive with just about everything in my past relationship (especially in my second one). I have been relapsing (is that the right word?). I don't know. But somehow I feel and know the doubt is back again. And it's scary again.

My mental health has been horrible I recently broke up with my boyfriend I have borderline personality disorder so it’s hard to keep going

I’m scared of the future. I’m scared of the day I graduate and she has to face those days without me there. I don’t want her to grow up thinking she has to get used to being alone. She’s kind, she’s good, and she deserves real friends who see her heart. I feel love, fear, sadness, and frustration all at the same time. Loving someone so much and not being able to fix everything is one of the hardest feelings in the world

Sometimes I get so jelaous of my bf's female friend that I hate it. It's not like I dislike her or anything, I just cannot get over the fact that he has another girl in his life which he prefers spending time with other than me. It may sound toxic, but it's not as I try to be supportive of him because I know he loves me, but sometimes it just gets too much that it eats me out inside. He constantly checks up on her, calls with her, goes on coffee runs everytime they get the chance and I know it's nothing like what I'm overthinking, but it hurts that he doesn't understand my point of view and why I am the way I am. I promised to not make a big deal about it anymore, so I'm writting here, but sometimes it gets too much and I hate it. I wish he wouldn't put so much focus on her and more on his guy friends and me. I understand that this is insecurity and I'm trying to deal with it as best as I can, without hurting him or his relationships.

I have said this before and I will say it again. The most shittist ppl have the most ppl around them. A lot of them are either with someone that is way too good for them in a good natured way and they just hide how much of a walking sack of shit they are. Why cant shit ppl find shit ppl OH WAIT its because they wouldnt be able to use and abuse them! It will be a cold day in hell if I ever let some fuck shit do that to me again. Then good natured ppl either turn cold and calloused or who knows maybe they try again and dont find shit in the sea.

Lately, I feel like I've been giving too much yet too little. I've done enough for my friends, paying food, sharing stuff, buying them gifts, writing them letters, and comforting them, yet, they never do the same thing to me. They're always focusing on other people or their love-life, despite the fact that I've been there since their vulnerable times. I've written 34 letters, to someone who prefers to spend time with other friends and "crushes." Most of them had awful relationships, and I was there. I promised myself that I wouldnt return to my old habits, aka. Ghosting or cutting off someone, but it's getting hard to resist, especially since I'm sensitive, and help them most of the time. And only till now, I realized, none of them, even my favorite, would do the same for me. Should I even cut them off? They seem like good people, but they don't give me enough attention or treat me the way I treat them all the time. I'm starting to doubt them and my friendships.

I have a very small group of friends, because one of the guys lives far away and the other one and I get along well. Now the problem is with my female friends. A while ago, I had a small group of friends, but little by little they started excluding me. They wouldn't let me join their groups and called me annoying, unbearable, etc. The thing is, I love one of them with all my heart because she was always there for me, although now she avoids me and refuses to talk to me. What should I do? I feel strange, I miss having someone to talk to. I've been talking about this with an AI because I don't have anyone else. I just want them to treat me like I treat them. Let me give you an example. I hate my birthday. It was never anything special, and I had been talking to them about it for weeks and how important it was for them to be there. None of them came, and they congratulated me three days later, saying they had forgotten. I let it go, but I can't stand being the replacement friend when one of them is missing. Do you think I'm too intense?

What's a trend or cultural moment that makes you feel disconnected? Most social media trends. Anything to do w/ TikTok, insta I am so glad to be disconnected from. Ppl may make fun of my lack of presence in the social mediancommunity but thats more of a reflection on them. It is something I purposely disconnect from, as a person how I would like to carry myself is with respect to myself and others. Its not that I cant its that I dont want to. Ppl that are inseparable from social media, what would they be w/o it?..

so me and this girl we have been frinds for ages but like any friend ship there was a few fights here and there right so we had this fight the other night becuase her dog was dieing but i didnt know her dog was dieing so she sent me a photo of her crying and i asked what happened and she got all pissy and me and shit and she said she told me but i dont know if she did because at that time i was at my auntys and they have no servece and at that time there was a power outage and my phone went flat so i dont know if she told me but basically she got all pissy and ended bringing her bfs sister into it and she started calling me a bad frind and that i stink and then my frind said to me oh i bet your glad im moving and i was like yeah i am glad becuase your a fake frind and a back stabbing bitch go kill yourself and then i blocked her now shes puttling up depressing shit like i bet your happy im moving and like so now your going around and talking about my insercuritys like bitch i havent

I am undatable. Ugly, no money and I will die alone. This is the fate I have accepted

i feel like everyday im judged by my mother no matter what i do its never enough and she says i always get what i want (not true by the way in anyway ive even asked my siblings and they said no you barely get anything you ask for) almost like im being mentally abused just being brought down- and it sucks dude- i cant even dress as i please like bro- i just want one thing for myself- she makes me feel like im not enough and not smart and its hard- its just hard-

Feeling so tired of being invalidated as a black Lesbian and nonbinary person

What's a small thing that happened this week that's been bothering you more than it should? PEOPLE. As soon as I come out of my comfort zone, home, my bubble someone has to POP it. Its not until I leave to interact w/ people that I want to immediately go back into my comforts. Its not a sort of POP that O i feel uncomfortable its a POP that I feel FUCKEN IRRITATED now. I am not the one to be irritated easily either. Its being pushed on the bus, or someone budding in line for the bus when u CLEARLY have waited longer. Human decency is out the window..

What's something that happened today that made you question everything? When u do well in something being critiqued/evaluated and ppl dislike u for it. It makes me so mad that ppl try to look for the downfalls b/c they are not doing as well in something u both are doing. No one celebrates ppls successes anymore if it has nothing to do with them. You can do so well in something but if they arent doing well then ur the enemy even if u doing well in it doesnt have anything to do with them not doing well in it... has anyone seen the movie Bologna yet? SPOILER ALERT at the end Michelle goes back to her spaceship and pops the firmament bubble on earth and kills everyone on earth.. yea I wish it was just certain ppl.. .. or when ppl say "she/he thinks they are better than me" so what.. do YOU think ur better than them and thats the problem? Or is it because you think that them carrying themselves questions how u carry urself b/c it isnt good enough? wtf is with that b/c did she/he SAY THAT??

I fucken hate so many ppl. No I dont mean the random stranger walking by. Not in a petty way but reasons that they did me wrong for trying to help, or being apart of their life. So many times I try to act out of kindness being open then it gets thrown in my face for no reason. I am so misunderstood, used and abused for trying to be nice. It makes me loathe ppl. I dont want to have any part of relationships b/c they will try to use it or find something to take. Some kind of ulterior motive for getting to know me. Everything is so sexualized, it disgusts me I dont feel like other ppl I feel alienated from the rest. It makes me so fucken mad when I there is someone that EVERYBODY likes and they are the biggest POS ever. It makes me want to fucken bash their heads in with a hammer.

Is it bad I can't move on from a 3 month situationship?