All Rants

"What's something someone close to you said that you can't stop thinking about?" good question. The time where my mom told me to kill myself. It's still replaying in my head over and over and over. It sticked to my head like it was drilled in there forever. I'm not saying my parents are bad people, but it kind of sucks. How am I supposed to know if anything they say Is true or false? I feel as if Im overreacting, But whatever.

I recently told my therapist about my romantic relationship with someone online. However, I feel as if I tell my parents, they will get up all on me. I know that they don't understand some terms like Genderfluid or whatever, but i feel like they won't be accepting. It's a weird contrac-dicty feeling. I feel a bit weird everyday, because I can't understand things other people do. It's like I'm in a weird fallback setting, where everytime I try to pull myself up, I always get smacked in the face, and fall at the beginning. I feel like tend to overthink so much shit, when people don't message me back as quickly as possible. Does that make me a manuplator? I understand that people have lives, but when it takes nearly so many months and weeks, it makes me feel as if I have no worth in the friendship. While I'm writing this, I was thinking of just... deleting this whole thing and starting again. I don't know where to start with my words, I guess. bye for now.

When you get so full of love that you wish to be raped by your friends in order to feel complete, even tho you're a lesbian. I don't even want that. It might come from my need to feel wanted. Desired so much that even tho they don't want to hurt me, BC THEY LOVE ME SO MUCH, they still do bc of some animalistic tendencies. I could go on about how sex isn't even sexual in my head. It's more like a cut me open and move in between my lungs kinda way? I feel so stupid bc I want to act like an idiot. I want to make bad decisions but holy shit thinkgs would NOT work out. So I'm left here, feeling digusted. I'm yearning for the concept of how I see love. It's making me sick. Just hearing or even thinking about them makes me want to kill myself from happiness. I get so happy as if I was drunk, hard to focus and amotional. My angry outbursts had come back, I would genuenly start lying to spend 3 seconds with them. I constantly feel the need to worsip them. They could do whatever they want to me.

Im so scared of studying!!! I was/am??- A really good student, good grades and all. But the work load is too much now and I feel like im falling behind. Everyone else seems doing fine while im there tears in my eyes confused what im supposed to do. I just feel like I was not built for this and Im falling behind.

What's something someone close to you said that you can't stop thinking about? There's plenty to say the least. Its things my callous relative and my dad have said in mean hateful shitty callousness. Yet they themselves can't stand being treated like that. I won't list them because they're awful I'd rather not think about them.

I just don't know how I'm feeling about myself for the past few days there are times when I loose hope about myself and think nothing matters at this point it has reached to an extent that i did experience my friends family and some close people never really saw me and were there for me .My parents are so judgemental and crude like sharinf anything is like the same statement being used against you in an argument plus i honestly think I was such a good and kins person in life that the people i knew plus my old friends used me and unlocked my insecurities at this point of life I'm really upset at everyone I'm the only person that people expect to be ok perfect and always smiling even when I'm not I have to act like I'm totally ok when I'm rlly not and sometimes it's ok not to be ok,but no one really listens or hears out i soemtimes i myself dont feel like the person i used to be.no own really cares or gives a fuck I always used to be so cheerful happy and joyous no matter what........

My parents just got divorced. Im so scared. I hate imagining them alone in an empty house one day. I feel like i’ll never see their true selves again.

my mother and i’s relationship is only worsening. as a daughter, i feel like im a horrible person already for not living up to her expectations, and so when she incessantly cusses at me and yells at me, i take it. but also as a daughter, i cannot forgive her for the way she treats me. as a woman, i am able to relate to her, but i just don’t see how someone could treat their own child that way. she is nice to me, of course, but i truly feels like she only likes me because im her daughter. i want her to like me as a person too, and i just don’t think i can go on any longer.

someone pls end me and my misery :))))) need it quick and painless ^_^

ive been really depressed lately but honestly its got to a point where i genuinely didnt feel like myself and i was scaring myself. i hate that no one else i know can relate to the level of emotions i felt. i started vaping, drinking more often and after my bf broke up with me i felt like not even hurting myself did anything. i am doing better and i started going out and hanging with friends but i am so scared to feel like that again. i feel like any bad news is just going to strike up and i dont know how ill be able to handle it. it was such a scary feeling not being able to control my own emotions and i would not wish that on anyone. ive been picking up my old hobbies and trying out new ones to feel something again. hopefully this moment in my life will pass quicker and this will all be a distant memory.

I hate mosquitoes very much....

my boyfriend was unfortuntely involved in a mass shooting and broke up with me afterwards since it was really hard on him mentally and i wasnt there to comfort him as he was on vacation and he was just in shock/depressed for a few weeks. we ended up getting back together the day he came back from vacay but i honestly feel weird about the relationship. i know its so fucked up but i cant help but hold a grudge for him breaking up with me. the breakup also happened on our 3rd year anniversary... there wasnt much i could do for him over the phone and i hate that there was just so much pressure on me to fix the situation. i honestly still feel weird about everything since he also picked up smoking and didn't tell me anything and i had to find out by other means. it just gives me anxiety and i feel so bad. i know i should just communicate with him.. but i just wanted to rant about it for now.

I've become ableist because of how the doctors treated me and ignored my autism for years and now I'm bitter towards high functioning autistic people when they actually got diagnosed, and now i get stupid thoughts like oh "they are probably faking it for attention", because i fought so hard for my diagnosis

I don't really know what i want anymore. Im just too tired all the time. Lost my passion for life and anytime i get it back someone hurts ne or shuts me down again. Im kinda giving up on trying again it feels like the only way to survive this life us just by being so boring and nothing inside not enjoy life basically. Aka dead before death.

She's my best friend and I don't want to lose her but I'm starting to develop feelings for her ex boyfriend. She still lives with him and things are awkward. He confides in me about him and hers relationship and I can't help but comfort him. My impulsivities are so close to getting the best of me. I don't know what to do anymore.

at the moment i just found out im pregnant. me and my current bf have known eachother for about 6 years. although things have gotten better now we use to be in a abusive relationship where we have both went to jail (separate occasions). he has these anger issues we are currently working on. i’m debating on wether or not if i want to keep the baby. i’m very early and booked an appointment with planned parenthood. mind you i did move him in with me a few months ago. i’m trying my best to wrap my head around things but at the same time i need advice on this hard decision process.

So my dear manager I show you yesterday and yesterday you seemed to be in really loving mood. I love the way you smiled at me and tried to have a conversation with me. Some times I feel like you like to talk to me and some times you just ignore me completely. When i try to talk to you , you ignore me and when you try to talk to me . I go quiet . I did realise one thing you cant see me talking to other people when I am alone you enjoy it. Crazy manager . I am not going to see you for a long time so see ya .be safe . Will miss you .

Day 5: BROOOO IM SO MUCH HAPPIER BUT IM SO SCARED LIKE WHAT IF EVERYONE FINDS OUT ALL THE SCARS ON MY ARM AND STUFF

Every person I meet ends up hating me every single time 😔 every guy I date always dumps me. Every friend I make always leaves me. I've always been a loser with imaginary friends since I was a kid 🫠

NO MATTER HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES FUCKING TIMES YOU HAVE SEEN MINE AND HER ONE FILTHY POST FOLDED YOU RO LITERALLY RUIN EVERYTHING