All Rants

Ok so basically, my first kiss was with this guy I'm friends with, let's call him J. JUST TO BE CLEAR, I don't like J (but lie I feel like I cooouuullld but I js don't idk) I don't like anyone as I'm not looking for a relationship right now (also wasn't at the time that this all happened) So anyways, what happened was: I had been friends with J for two years when he got with my best friend, A. But they literally barely talked and never even kissed. And anyways then they broke up and hated eachother for a while, now they're friends again ish. So anyways, quite a while after breaking up with A, J told me he'd liked me for a really long time. I told him I didn't like him like that, and over the next year, he would bring up the fact tht he liked me every once in a while. Anyways, this one time I went to the cinema with J, and then 5 other friends. And like maybe we kissed.. BUT LIKE IT'S NOT THAT BAD CUZ A TOLD ME SHE WAS OVER HIM AND YEAH I'M STILL BESTIES WITH A AND CLOSE WITH J HAHA

Everyone thinks I find school easy just because I get good grades. I have an older brother. He's just as smart as me (ish) but he never really gets grades as good as mine. When he comes home with a B, my parents are happy with it. When he gets an A, my parents think he's absolutely perfect. If I get an A, it's just... okay. Normal. (The grades at my school go A*, A, B, C, D) When I get an A*, they're happy, but still so much happier when my brother gets an A.

I am a younger person who still relys on my parents and I ride horses. Yes I am an insufferable horse girl or whatever you want to call it. I do lessons once a week but I want to join my barns show team, which is specifically designed to be affordable and stuff, but I need to ride twice a week I also do dance which is fun but ig I only do it to make my parents happy. My mom is on board with joining the team and even though driving me will be hard she’s still fine with it. My dad is being annoying and I isn’t really supportive and he wants me to play a “team sport” like volleyball but I have no interest in it and I really want to progress in riding but his negativity isn’t letting me 😢

I started school recently and next quarter I have PE. I hate it so much and js the thought of going back to the class is stressing me out because last year I had no friends in my class, didn't even know how to play fricking kickball, and got hit by balls at least 3 times (twice in my face 😔). I hated going to that class everyday and was so happy when I got to leave school early, not to mention it will be my lunch period and the only person who I know so far in that class is switching out. I want to switch out but idk any other electives I could choose, or if I should just stick with it because basketball is the main thing I dread. but yeah, its js stressing me out and keeping me up at night so I wanted to rant abt it a lil

can ocd genuinely fuck off like i'm just trying to do something and then my brain goes you should cut your stomach open!!! GO AWAY 😭😭😭 i actually hate it here it literally never stops

DUDE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD. my friend is always texting me "can you call' "call me" and will constantly try to FaceTime me even though I'm busy/ tired and I don't want to call CAN THEY SHUT THE FUCK UP?? THEY'RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING LIKE HOLY SHIT

Guys I’m having another nephew!!!!

how am i supposed to love my body when im triple the size of half my friend group. i should have never stopped starving

I feel so bad rn for my looks this acne is making cry so bad daily and my manager is making my life so bad also he is blocking my stipend i want to look for better company to switch for my 2nd year of internship but my cv doesnt look good and this current company didnt teach me any good i dont wanna stay here for my 2nd year, i dont wanna be feminine i want to be masculine

Ass flat asf but atleast I got some tig ol bitties

You know that feeling when you know something is going to go wrong? Or something bad will happen? And then you warn people but they ignore you? Then that bad thing happens and they're sobbing and heartbroken or whatever and then everyone calls you heartless for ignoring them?

I feel the need to just, die. I've been feeling suicidal maybe somewhere in my freshman year of middle school? I thought those feelings went away but now I'm a senior high-school and I just dont understand what I'm doing here. My mom was aware of the first incident and what she told me scarred me. I didn't enjoy it obviously, maybe he didn't rape me but being pushed down on your brothers bedroom with both wrists pinned down and legs spread apart because his knee was in the middle while he placed his face in between my chest. That scared me. It happened again Thanksgiving while I was holding my sweet innocent baby sister in my arms, trying to put her to sleep, he came into the bed, told me he loved me in ways he shouldn't, cradled me, whispered into my ear. My mom found him hiding in the closet, she knew. But I was the one in wrong, just how today she told me I was disgusting and useless. No one wants me here, I'm going to succeed nowhere in life. I should die.

"What's something someone close to you said that you can't stop thinking about?" good question. The time where my mom told me to kill myself. It's still replaying in my head over and over and over. It sticked to my head like it was drilled in there forever. I'm not saying my parents are bad people, but it kind of sucks. How am I supposed to know if anything they say Is true or false? I feel as if Im overreacting, But whatever.

I recently told my therapist about my romantic relationship with someone online. However, I feel as if I tell my parents, they will get up all on me. I know that they don't understand some terms like Genderfluid or whatever, but i feel like they won't be accepting. It's a weird contrac-dicty feeling. I feel a bit weird everyday, because I can't understand things other people do. It's like I'm in a weird fallback setting, where everytime I try to pull myself up, I always get smacked in the face, and fall at the beginning. I feel like tend to overthink so much shit, when people don't message me back as quickly as possible. Does that make me a manuplator? I understand that people have lives, but when it takes nearly so many months and weeks, it makes me feel as if I have no worth in the friendship. While I'm writing this, I was thinking of just... deleting this whole thing and starting again. I don't know where to start with my words, I guess. bye for now.

When you get so full of love that you wish to be raped by your friends in order to feel complete, even tho you're a lesbian. I don't even want that. It might come from my need to feel wanted. Desired so much that even tho they don't want to hurt me, BC THEY LOVE ME SO MUCH, they still do bc of some animalistic tendencies. I could go on about how sex isn't even sexual in my head. It's more like a cut me open and move in between my lungs kinda way? I feel so stupid bc I want to act like an idiot. I want to make bad decisions but holy shit thinkgs would NOT work out. So I'm left here, feeling digusted. I'm yearning for the concept of how I see love. It's making me sick. Just hearing or even thinking about them makes me want to kill myself from happiness. I get so happy as if I was drunk, hard to focus and amotional. My angry outbursts had come back, I would genuenly start lying to spend 3 seconds with them. I constantly feel the need to worsip them. They could do whatever they want to me.

Im so scared of studying!!! I was/am??- A really good student, good grades and all. But the work load is too much now and I feel like im falling behind. Everyone else seems doing fine while im there tears in my eyes confused what im supposed to do. I just feel like I was not built for this and Im falling behind.

What's something someone close to you said that you can't stop thinking about? There's plenty to say the least. Its things my callous relative and my dad have said in mean hateful shitty callousness. Yet they themselves can't stand being treated like that. I won't list them because they're awful I'd rather not think about them.

I just don't know how I'm feeling about myself for the past few days there are times when I loose hope about myself and think nothing matters at this point it has reached to an extent that i did experience my friends family and some close people never really saw me and were there for me .My parents are so judgemental and crude like sharinf anything is like the same statement being used against you in an argument plus i honestly think I was such a good and kins person in life that the people i knew plus my old friends used me and unlocked my insecurities at this point of life I'm really upset at everyone I'm the only person that people expect to be ok perfect and always smiling even when I'm not I have to act like I'm totally ok when I'm rlly not and sometimes it's ok not to be ok,but no one really listens or hears out i soemtimes i myself dont feel like the person i used to be.no own really cares or gives a fuck I always used to be so cheerful happy and joyous no matter what........

My parents just got divorced. Im so scared. I hate imagining them alone in an empty house one day. I feel like i’ll never see their true selves again.

my mother and i’s relationship is only worsening. as a daughter, i feel like im a horrible person already for not living up to her expectations, and so when she incessantly cusses at me and yells at me, i take it. but also as a daughter, i cannot forgive her for the way she treats me. as a woman, i am able to relate to her, but i just don’t see how someone could treat their own child that way. she is nice to me, of course, but i truly feels like she only likes me because im her daughter. i want her to like me as a person too, and i just don’t think i can go on any longer.