All Rants

Need therapy for my anxiety. My anxiety makes me procrastinate going to therapy. I hate my worthless, broken brain.

i hate hate hate myself. I don't remember the last time I brushed my teeth properly. Yes it's disgusting but I genuinely believe I don't deserve basic care. I can go weeks without showering. It's too much effort, I'm not lazy, I just can't will my body to do it. If I could, I would curl up in a ball and cry out a river until there was no water left in my body, and then stay there for eternity. Then I wouldn't have to hide from every mirror. Then I wouldn't have to worry about how I'm going to survive tomorrow.

i hate my parents i hate my parents i hate my parents i fucking hate that they always force religion on me i'm trying not to be depressed again and i'm fighting it so hard but they are making it difficult

Being the affair partner is slowly killing me but I don't know how to stop it. The risk of being caught out is so catastrophic but I don't want to risk the friendship I had with him before all this started. Watching him with his wife and children breaks my heart, not because I wish it was me and that they were my children - I'm under no pretense that there is no solid foundations to our sordid relationship, if circumstances were different I would not date him or marry him or carry his children- but the utter pain of feeling so alone in this situation. He has his fun and goes back to his normal life, I have my fun and go back to loneliness.

I HATE MY DAD HES ALWAYS ANNOYING AND ALWAYS MAKES ME MAD LIKE I WAS IN A SOCCER FIELD PLAYING WITH MY FRIEND AND MY FRIEND WENT HOME SO I CALLED MY DAD TO TAKE ME HOME AND HE SRARRS GETTING MAD AT ME

So I have multiple forms of synesthesia (a strong link between parts of your brain responsible fr different senses that causes me to see shapes or colours when I hear sounds or see textures and shapes when I touch things or physically feel another's pain mirrored on my own body) and, although it doesn't greatly effect (affect? Idk anymore) me, as in, it's not like a learning disability, it technically makes me neurodivergent. And anyways, I told a friend about this, and they told me I was attention seeking and now I'm scared to tell my parents or any of my other friends. Do I need to? I don't know. Would it mak me feel more understood if they knew? Yeah. Will they care? Possibly? Idk ok bye bye have a nice day

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem ❤️

Since gaining access to social media, I feel like I've been so much more aware of all e thing wrong in the world. Women in Afghanistan, the files, fucking tr*mp in general, how he climate is fucked, how A.I is going to destroy the world, etc. etc. And I know being aware of this kind of thing is supposed to be good. And I guess it is in the grand scheme of things. But sometimes it just makes me feel shit. Like, hopeless, nihilistic, somewhat guilty, even though I know it's not my fault. But still, I don't want to go through my life totally clueless about everything either.

Broo I'm gonna crash the fuck out cuz wdym I have to start skl soon? Half my teachers are pdfs and the other halfs' age is bigger than their IQ...

I hate my asymmetrical face. Everyone's faces look so symmetrical. I wish my face would be symmetrical.

Ok so basically, my first kiss was with this guy I'm friends with, let's call him J. JUST TO BE CLEAR, I don't like J (but lie I feel like I cooouuullld but I js don't idk) I don't like anyone as I'm not looking for a relationship right now (also wasn't at the time that this all happened) So anyways, what happened was: I had been friends with J for two years when he got with my best friend, A. But they literally barely talked and never even kissed. And anyways then they broke up and hated eachother for a while, now they're friends again ish. So anyways, quite a while after breaking up with A, J told me he'd liked me for a really long time. I told him I didn't like him like that, and over the next year, he would bring up the fact tht he liked me every once in a while. Anyways, this one time I went to the cinema with J, and then 5 other friends. And like maybe we kissed.. BUT LIKE IT'S NOT THAT BAD CUZ A TOLD ME SHE WAS OVER HIM AND YEAH I'M STILL BESTIES WITH A AND CLOSE WITH J HAHA

Everyone thinks I find school easy just because I get good grades. I have an older brother. He's just as smart as me (ish) but he never really gets grades as good as mine. When he comes home with a B, my parents are happy with it. When he gets an A, my parents think he's absolutely perfect. If I get an A, it's just... okay. Normal. (The grades at my school go A*, A, B, C, D) When I get an A*, they're happy, but still so much happier when my brother gets an A.

I am a younger person who still relys on my parents and I ride horses. Yes I am an insufferable horse girl or whatever you want to call it. I do lessons once a week but I want to join my barns show team, which is specifically designed to be affordable and stuff, but I need to ride twice a week I also do dance which is fun but ig I only do it to make my parents happy. My mom is on board with joining the team and even though driving me will be hard she’s still fine with it. My dad is being annoying and I isn’t really supportive and he wants me to play a “team sport” like volleyball but I have no interest in it and I really want to progress in riding but his negativity isn’t letting me 😢

I started school recently and next quarter I have PE. I hate it so much and js the thought of going back to the class is stressing me out because last year I had no friends in my class, didn't even know how to play fricking kickball, and got hit by balls at least 3 times (twice in my face 😔). I hated going to that class everyday and was so happy when I got to leave school early, not to mention it will be my lunch period and the only person who I know so far in that class is switching out. I want to switch out but idk any other electives I could choose, or if I should just stick with it because basketball is the main thing I dread. but yeah, its js stressing me out and keeping me up at night so I wanted to rant abt it a lil

can ocd genuinely fuck off like i'm just trying to do something and then my brain goes you should cut your stomach open!!! GO AWAY 😭😭😭 i actually hate it here it literally never stops

DUDE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD. my friend is always texting me "can you call' "call me" and will constantly try to FaceTime me even though I'm busy/ tired and I don't want to call CAN THEY SHUT THE FUCK UP?? THEY'RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING LIKE HOLY SHIT

Guys I’m having another nephew!!!!

how am i supposed to love my body when im triple the size of half my friend group. i should have never stopped starving

I feel so bad rn for my looks this acne is making cry so bad daily and my manager is making my life so bad also he is blocking my stipend i want to look for better company to switch for my 2nd year of internship but my cv doesnt look good and this current company didnt teach me any good i dont wanna stay here for my 2nd year, i dont wanna be feminine i want to be masculine

Ass flat asf but atleast I got some tig ol bitties