All Rants

I like feminine guys, but not "femboys." I kinda don't understand this myself but they just look a little too soft to me maybe? people also keep making weird jokes about them too so that's annoying to see with them. I honestly don't know what to say, I'm just really attracted to rui from xlov..... I've never seen a guy like him before. he wears long hair wigs and makeup, he has muscles but he usually looks obviously feminine. but I don't want a masculine guy with long hair. I cant find other guys that look like this but as I said, I don't really understand what I mean lmao

For some reason I kinda forget dudes exist

Im addicted to cutting myself and school makes it so much more I cannot stand feeling dumb, my biggest fear is being incompetent I cannot handle feeling like this

my mom is constantly yelling at me and saying I do nothing. I've been feeling so depressed since I was 12, my doctor said I may have unmedicated adhd, I see no point in doing anything because I already know my life wont get any better, I have no hobbies or talents, nothing ever brings me joy, I'm so bored of everything and I've told my mom before and I even said that I was thinking about hurting myself but she just wont care. because shes always yelling at me, I feel like it is true, I'm a useless kid who does nothing. there's nothing good about me, nothing I can do, I'm just an empty mess

nobody ever talks about or thinks about people who are apothisexual. everything is about sex, everyone likes sex. I think its so disgusting despite it being a natural thing. I want to slam my head against the wall whenever I see sex related things. porn, songs, music videos, drawings, sexual jokes, anything. its all people like. I know that "sex sells" is true but you aren't making it better... shout out to everyone who is sex repulsed

I wish I was skinny but I do nothing to change my body. I'm obese for my age and height, it makes me feel terrible about myself. I get overwhelmed so easily when I try on clothes in stores because whatever I like, it never fits. everything is always for skinny people. everyone only loves skinny people. "skinny shaming" is stupid because everyone wants to be skinny already and its the only body I see anyone want and praise. even though I feel like this, I don't do anything to lose weight. I don't diet, I don't exercise, I just do nothing. but its like there's no point anyway. I barely get motivated by anything and it never lasts long. I always fail and go back to my regular habits. I could never even lose the amount of weight I want to lose, that would take ages. I have no hope for myself at all. whenever I thought I found someone I could relate to with eating problems and body image, they are always skinny. every fucking time.

my boyfriend and i were supposed to hang out today after not seeing him for like 2 weeks but he made a last minute decision to go to a party to network with ppl 400 miles away and i hate that its so hard to have my own hobbies and that i feel hurt that he makes this grand effort to see and interact with other people but not with me. he offered to see me for a bit when he came back home today but i genuinely just feel like hes going to be annoyed the whole time and want to go home to work and i just feel like i have bpd at this point? like i feel like i dont exist outside of my relationship or like if i do snything to make myself feel better its just like people telling me why dont u do something productive and its like i just feel so small and tiny defending myself and saying to otheres that me playing a game or me sewing and doing my hobbies is something productive but it just feels so dumb. i feel like i cant do anything without disappointing someone else or even myself

I keep having thoughts of just killing myself in different ways and I really want to but I dont really know why. I get bullied alot by many different people and some of my family members aswell about my weight I hurt myself for no reason I just feel like it and I have been doing it for 2 or 3 years now and I either cut or scratch myself until I bleed, when I scratch myself it's usually because im out and overwhelmed or there's too many people but when I cut i dont really have a reason I usually am just bored and I like the pain , I have scabs from yesterday because I was scratching myself till I bled so I relapsed I was like 8 days clean I have a few scars on my upper left arm, boty wrists, left ankle, my arms, my right thigh and my left hand from cutting and scratching, I dont really know what else to say but have a good day or night xx

I’m so stressed and I don’t know what to do. I guess I didn’t take moving out seriously enough because the place I’m in now is absolutely tiny, the water and electric are not included, I don’t have wifi until further notice. My one roommate, who hasn’t even moved in yet is already being hella demanding and I am so scared that I won’t have enough money to live. I get student funding but after making some calculations, I’m barely scraping by this next year including rent, groceries and tuition. I haven’t included utilities, data plan, emergency fund, anything. I finally have a job but minimum wage is so little and they won’t schedule me more than 2 4 hr shifts a week. This is supposed to be the EASY part, I’m not actively in school yet, I’m not getting married at least for the next two years but I’m just so scared. I can’t imagine how stressed I’m going to be when my other roommates move in and when I’m worrying about work at grades. I’m really trying not to freak out right now.

Is this all I can do Kep on wasting resources falling asleep before I can eat and waking up and seeing the food has gone bad but there want space in the fridge so I was trying to finish it I just put it covered at the table so I could quickly wake up but I wake up and it's already early morning, not just 30 minutes or an hour why jwy why why why

Need therapy for my anxiety. My anxiety makes me procrastinate going to therapy. I hate my worthless, broken brain.

i hate hate hate myself. I don't remember the last time I brushed my teeth properly. Yes it's disgusting but I genuinely believe I don't deserve basic care. I can go weeks without showering. It's too much effort, I'm not lazy, I just can't will my body to do it. If I could, I would curl up in a ball and cry out a river until there was no water left in my body, and then stay there for eternity. Then I wouldn't have to hide from every mirror. Then I wouldn't have to worry about how I'm going to survive tomorrow.

i hate my parents i hate my parents i hate my parents i fucking hate that they always force religion on me i'm trying not to be depressed again and i'm fighting it so hard but they are making it difficult

Being the affair partner is slowly killing me but I don't know how to stop it. The risk of being caught out is so catastrophic but I don't want to risk the friendship I had with him before all this started. Watching him with his wife and children breaks my heart, not because I wish it was me and that they were my children - I'm under no pretense that there is no solid foundations to our sordid relationship, if circumstances were different I would not date him or marry him or carry his children- but the utter pain of feeling so alone in this situation. He has his fun and goes back to his normal life, I have my fun and go back to loneliness.

I HATE MY DAD HES ALWAYS ANNOYING AND ALWAYS MAKES ME MAD LIKE I WAS IN A SOCCER FIELD PLAYING WITH MY FRIEND AND MY FRIEND WENT HOME SO I CALLED MY DAD TO TAKE ME HOME AND HE SRARRS GETTING MAD AT ME

So I have multiple forms of synesthesia (a strong link between parts of your brain responsible fr different senses that causes me to see shapes or colours when I hear sounds or see textures and shapes when I touch things or physically feel another's pain mirrored on my own body) and, although it doesn't greatly effect (affect? Idk anymore) me, as in, it's not like a learning disability, it technically makes me neurodivergent. And anyways, I told a friend about this, and they told me I was attention seeking and now I'm scared to tell my parents or any of my other friends. Do I need to? I don't know. Would it mak me feel more understood if they knew? Yeah. Will they care? Possibly? Idk ok bye bye have a nice day

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem ❤️

Since gaining access to social media, I feel like I've been so much more aware of all e thing wrong in the world. Women in Afghanistan, the files, fucking tr*mp in general, how he climate is fucked, how A.I is going to destroy the world, etc. etc. And I know being aware of this kind of thing is supposed to be good. And I guess it is in the grand scheme of things. But sometimes it just makes me feel shit. Like, hopeless, nihilistic, somewhat guilty, even though I know it's not my fault. But still, I don't want to go through my life totally clueless about everything either.

Broo I'm gonna crash the fuck out cuz wdym I have to start skl soon? Half my teachers are pdfs and the other halfs' age is bigger than their IQ...

I hate my asymmetrical face. Everyone's faces look so symmetrical. I wish my face would be symmetrical.