All Rants

Man i just thibk this is stoopid but i feel hella alone, i dont have my old friends who just used me and i loved so much it hurts, and they left me when i wasnt of use, and my crush who i thought like me back bc he came to talk to me everyday, and after my friendship breakup when i needed the most but one day he dissapeard of school to make another kind of study and also kinda not tell em and didnt wanna give me his number, thoughtwe were friends... like everybody with that cool personality like my friend and him, that shared my interests left me so i just feel like nobody will love me and feel so damn alone, i just want a lover that loves me and doesnt leave me and talk bad of me or a friend like rhem but without evil.

(Part two of “HAHA take a joke 🤣”) At least I don’t body shame. At least I walk away from conversations instead of causing a fight. At least I didn’t like about saying “she k!led herself.” That’s literally not funny- that mean. At least i know when to stop. At least i never told people to “ky$” just because i was losing a fight. At least i didn’t try and make your friends hate you with lies that were absolutely not true. At least i didn’t get mad at you for finding out you hated me. At least i loved you. At least i loved At least i At least At…. At least I loved you.

“HAHA take a joke!” A joke? “It’s funny, stop being a bitch🙄😒🤣” Funny is making you laugh, not calling your innocent friend who’s waiting for marriage a “slut.” Funny is supposed to make you laugh so hard you pee your pants, not cry into a pillow so none Hears. I’m not homaphob, that’s YOU being mad because I don’t wanna talk about that stuff. I’m not racist- Lex was literally brown and im white. Tf? Me and Lex were friends for 6 years- that’s racism?! I’m not mean- you literally saw how i treated people. Better then you ever did😒 Im not a “slut” I’m waiting for marriage because I want my first to be my HUSBAND. Not a one night stand. I’m not whatever else you have all said. I’m better than you and you are mad. “You are a child” Oh? At least I stopped fighting over my friend first. At least I don’t call people who’s are waiting “sluts” tf? At least I’m not racist. At least i treated YOU with respect. At least i don’t talk about 🍇ing kids. You really are a disappointment…….

my mental health is getting worse to the point I would use self-harm like it was a drug, I feel so close to committing, and to the point I'm planning on taking my life this weekend and no one knows that. I don't even know what's happening to me right know, I just want to let my fuck ass feelings out. my parents hurt me so bad too, like I'm a stranger. i also just want to feel pretty like all the other girls no one understands

i hate the routine so much i hate it all why does it never stop

my parents treat me like shit every day and i just don't want to be here anymore I'm really struggling to keep myself alive because of so many people like talking shit about me and making fun of me and i just can't do this anymore I'm mentally and physically tired of life and not a lot of people know that only my best friend Cassandra and my clinician know that I don't want to be alive anymore i wrote my suicide note for everyone cause I'm so done with life and only those two people know about it and im planning on taking my life this weekend and I'm set on doing it but the only problem is my dog. i feel bad but at the same time I'm so fucking tired of life....

idk what to do to overcome porn. its been five years since i started and ive done multiple things to stop it, but it hasnt lasted more than 17 days. surely its much better than before, since i dont do it everyday anymore. however i still feel disgusted everytime i do it and have no one to talk about this

Found out what I’m extremely allergic to! Morphine! I get hives and can’t breathe….so why am i getting hives…shaking…vision blurring.. and i can’t breathe when you call me?….am i allergic to you?- because i don’t have the symptoms with S,L and A….it’s just you.

I can't stand my sisters anymore, they're just exhausting. I can't even sleep well, which already stresses me out on it's own, and their attitude doesn't help. It couldn't be any more clear to me that they think i'm some lazy loser with no future even though i'm not even twenty, they act like i don't do anything at home all day and come back from school to keep treating me like a slave. It's come to a point where i'm getting frustrated over nothing, like my charger malfunctioning a little, and i keep having intrusive thoughts even though i'd been sure i had gotten over them. I even thought of refusing to interact with my family until my mom scolds them to fix their attitude.

I don’t wanna die but i don’t wanna live like this

i hate to say this, but i fell deeply inlove with a guy i havent met before. im so frustrated, because how the hell am i crying over a person i havent even met? i really dont know what the fuck to do. i hate it.

pain is hard when u were the cause

I always wonder how different my life would be if I had taken up the cop’s offer that day to put me into therapy. When they finally arrested my dad for trying to film us in secret in the bathroom. My paranoia has only gotten worse since that happened, because I think there’s always someone watching me. A camera I can’t spot. I’ve been anxious ever since one of my own teachers humiliated me in front of my class, forcing me to look at my own classmates judging me because I was too quiet for her liking. I’ve been severely socially stunted since. I barely leave my room. I can’t maintain a real friendship longer than a couple months. And now I’m a burden to my family, because I can’t find a job immediately after graduation, when everyone else seems to have their life figured out. I can’t help with the bills. I’m a leech in this house and not even my newborn nephew can get me out of this dark place. I’ve had nights where I thought about just opening the window and jumping. Second floor.

That song. Her face appears in my head every time I hear it.

The cycle of my life is hard. Sleep wake care cook attend clean wash follow what my wife and kid tell me to do + also taking care of our baby bathing feeding play watch. Work I just squeeze in 1 hour and it has to be fast I have to rush because I dunno I feel like she gets annoyed when she has to take care of them for a long time so I'm always rushing. I can't do what I want to do anymore. Please just give me some free time for myself. Even showering is at 11pm. Sighhhhhh

i stayed up all night having panic attacks and breakdowns just for my teacher to lecture me about not paying attention scream, cry, get yelled at, repeat

i dont know how to say i love you without saying goodbye

Does it really ever get better? I just turned 18 this year and im being hounded by my family about jobs and pursuing higher education when i still havent even fucking passed highschool. I need to do another semester just to graduate. And i have physical health problems which makes getting a job that can accomodate me really challenging. And whats worse is my friends keep trying to go out to dinner or other places with me but i literally cant because i dont have money and i know for a fact two of them think im making excuses to avoid them because they literally told me. I have one friend that does offer to pay for stuff for me but i already feel like i owe him for how much money hes wasted on me and i just. I dont know. I dont know. I feel like i dont know anhthing. I want to be a little kid again. Im not ready to be apart of the big people world.

It's hard having an alpha female wife. She notices every little mistake I wait for her orders even drinking sometimes she's the one who tells me to drink now because I'm done taking care of them damn it's 12am sometimes 1am before I finish taking care of them. My relax time is so late then I still have to wake up early. I hope she notices I also want me time the kind where nobody's ordering me around it's my turn for once even just 2-3 hours of my life.

I DONT WANT TO BE A DOCTOR I DONT WANT TO STUDY HERE I DONT WANT TO BE NEXT TO YOU AHHHHHHHHHHHHH JUST LET ME GROW WINGS MAN