All Rants

My mind is seeing everyone as a threat today. I don't know why. The bus driver was lovely. The waiters were lovely. The uber driver was lovely. The pharmacists were lovely. Yet I'm still expecting adults to just start yelling at me like they did when I was a child and did something I didn't know was wrong (or wasn't even wrong, just not neurotypical). Or talk down to me and berate me like they did when I was a teenager. But now I'm an adult, other adults actually treat me with respect. And I'm glad. But why couldn't people have done that when I was younger? I was a kid, I didn't know any better, yet I was held to much higher standards than I am now.

I am in love with my best friend. They are male. So am I. They are straight and I am gay. It will never happen. I will never tell them. But I hope.i still have hope. I shouldn't hope. But me amd him are so close and we are at the point of friends where I fan casually touch hus head and shoulders and it will be normal. I wish I could just be alone with him. And have the courage to confess my love. But I won't. I never will. I know I'm a coward. And I know I used to have a perfect life but it all got ripped to shreds. I'm impressed that I'm alive. That I haven't freezed it all and turned it off like a TV channel. I don't understand. If my life were a building, it would be a crumbling skyscraper. Hanging on by the merest. I feel that I am falling. Sinking into abyss of my sadness. I miss being a child. No worries. I had friends. I had it all. But then I began stress eating after a traumatic event. Then my mother got sick. Then my father left. Then my old best friend left. I say no more.

Its funny how on reality TV shows when someone has a panic attack, they take it so seriously and get all the medics on and everyone is freaking out. When I have a panic attack, everyone just tuts and sighs and goes "oh for God's sake". I guess that dont make good TV though

I hate being weird. Because to me I'm not weird. I'm me. I'm normal. I think it's everyone else who's weird. But they act like I'm the weird one for doing things differently. Why can't they just accept that I do things my way and it's just another way of doing things? A way that suits me better? Do normal people even have thoughts?

I’m so tired and burnt out from taking care of my toddler brother everyday I always end up treating him bad bc of my mental health I hat my self but I’m so annoyed and I don’t want him to turn out like me I want him to have a good childhood why did I have to do this to him he deserves better I js wanna kms I hat this guilt. I hat my self even.I love him and I want to take care of him but I always make mistakes and I’m practically raising him so I have to do this right.I don’t have a choice to not take care of him bc my parents are busy with work trying to make ends meet and I’m older then him so I’m responsible even if someone says I’m js a kid I feel bad for even complaining bc I have no right I’m so selfish ugh no one understands me I’d be better if dead then be selfish all the time and hurt people.

All of them are fine evil I can't deal with it n I wud cry to my brother but he thinks I'm a pos prob

Fuck you Reymond D. YOU FUCKING PERFECTIONIST🖕🖕🖕

Lately I wonder why I even bother trying. Life is a continuous oozing sludge of annoyances and disappointments.

Everytime he texted i responded, this time I didn't, i feel so free

FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON!!!! ACK FIX THE NEXT BUTTON

i love summer js for the reason that there's no class, but i also hate it for the severe heat but more so; resetting my social skills. every time summer is over, my social skills hit rock bottom. it's like i forget how to interact w people. i don't rlly have siblings or friends or cousins that i hang out with over summer vacation so i just end up being a chud at home. it doesn't help that im also introverted and shy 💀 i mean social anxiety aside, i kinda just act awkward on a normal basis so it js is kind of in my system ig. it js makes it hard to talk to ppl...

I kinda wish that kids didn't spend their money on merchandise and shitty streamers/youtubers. Like, the reason why these zoomers are "cooked" is because they are evil, cruel, thoughtless, and spoiled.

im not a christian anymore nor a satanist but something about black metal brings me joy even if its evil. i recommend pissgrave

“In vain you beg, in vain you ache, in vain you’ve opened your wrecked heart wide. Perhaps in heaven the rainclouds quake because we both have cried? This pain of ours is without a wing. The fainthearted cry can never fly. Weep and pray! What god is coming by the path of the stars up high? Abandon yourself to the dust and upon it fall in surrender. Our great mother is ever so just to every sinner who kisses her. Within a Hell of godless emptiness submit yourself ever more to sleep’s spell. All is a dream, all is nothingness: the flower of the world is the asphodel. (Trans. Michael Shindler)” ― Gabriele D'Annunzio

Why are black people violently racist towards Asian people?

I’m exhausted. Chronically ill and just medicating early and feeling alone. I’m…so tired of being isolated when I just have to stay home (my immune system is Not Happy about me going outside. Long!COVID sucks.) I used to have dreams but they feel so foggy now that I’m bedbound. Idk I just want a hug now + folk to just See Me as worthy of friendship instead of pitying me

my mom might have a tumor and i don't want her to

bro DO YOU EVERY FEel like shit just hits the fan and there is no stopping stuff and all you want to do is just curl up and cry.. cuz thats all i wanna do

So if my upstairs neighbors can be quiet when babysit a baby, WHY TF CAN'T THEY BE QUIET FOR ME!!!!?????? And why TF do they stomp thump, jump me out of bed and act like a herd of elephants. Yes I get they're miserable people and don't have the sense a goose has. But this absolutely nonsense. I wanna throw fuckin rocks through their windows smh. Their all a bunch of fuckin bitches who live up there it's why you can't talk to them. The stomping seems on purpose because the one was still doing it after another went to work. I shouldn't have to be put through this I'm so over it. 😡😡😡😡😡

I visited my sister last week. She dumped two heavy mental issues on me. First…she told one of her friends my financial situation & how she took me on a trip (which I paid my flight & food), my sister claimed to have lost said friend because they felt if a person is on disability they shouldn’t be able to go on trips. Gifts or won or saved up for. I’m pissed my sister told my business so freely. It was supposed to make her look good but seemed to back fire. Second… we had an uncle that was terminally ill, he & I hadn’t talked in many years. He wrote to me (I never received it). Apparently he was asking me to forgive him, of what I had to guess. I forgave him for what I thought divided us, I was wrong on that. My sister told me he wanted forgiveness for being a racist (I have a biracial daughter). If I had known that was what he was wanting idk if I would’ve handed over so easily. I feel he should’ve asked my daughter for it too. But why did my sister tell me all this?