All Rants

Honestly, I hate the thought of having a relationship. Even if it's platonic, every time I remember we all die. The thought kills me, I'm scared of losing my dad. He's almost 50 and slowly decaying in my eyes. He comes home hurt all the time, he's honestly the only person I find bearable. I hate being this vulnerable, it's so stupid.i was watching this show and a character was speaking about her dad and his she couldn't be reminded of him without being hurt. I gel like that too and for the first time when I thought of a loved one dying I cried. I didn't worry about what will happen with money or what I will get from it. I was crying because of the thought of losing someone who in my opinion is on the same level as money. I guess that's why I love money, it never dies, it'll never hurt and it'll love me. I am like an asshole but just hate attachment because no matter what loving and caring for someone is my weakness.

I have a crying problem. I know people (and science) say that crying is good for you, but maybe not always. I feel really really deeply and sad all the time. ive been like this since i was really young. the smallest things set me off. conversations, music (especially), literature, film... it hurts me deeply, but sometimes when im alone I make myself cry by exposing myself to these things. sometimes it makes me feel better, but sometimes it makes me feel worse. I dont feel happy. I yearn for the feeling of joy or peace in life, but im afraid it will never come. all I can think about is the future that I need to make, and the past mistakes I can never undo. crying lets me feel all the sadness, shame, regret, and yearning in the moment. but I do it everyday (multiple times), and I dont know if its healthy anymore. im crying now too. its too much and not enough

I got super sad yesterday because me my dad and brother were wishing my dad's girlfriends kid happy birthday and I remembered that last year everyone forgot my birthday except 2 people my dad and my school counselor nobody noticed until my class was having the treats i brought

I HATE WHEN BISEXUAL PPL SAY "OH IM ONLY HALF GAY" LIKE WHAT?!?

Im so tired of my partner we have been together a year and a half and only kissed once they love me and I love them butb they just so mentally draining and I feel I have to be with them because they attempted and said I was one of their onlu reasons for living so uh yeah

so i have this online friend that i've known for almost three years now. he's absolutely amazing and i genuinely think we're such good friends. in the beginning, we used to talk pretty regularly. then he kind of disappeared for a year. he came back this year and we were talking pretty consistently again, although he does sometimes disappear for a few weeks at a time. he's not suicidal or anything, he just says he gets caught up doing other stuff. anyway, a month or two back he asks me if i've been in relationships before or if i'm interested in being in one (not with him, just in general). i tell him that rn i'm happily single and he agrees, saying that he likes being single. he disappears for a month and when he comes back, i learn that he went to a whole other country and apparently has a long-distance girlfriend now? i genuinely want to be happy for him. ik i couldn't and wouldn't date him but i do feel sort of betrayed. i've barely seen him since. i just don't want things to change

Im really terrified. Just two or three days ago ants started popping up in our kitchen, and yesterday there was like 50-100 of them, and they keep coming from all the tiny cracks in the cabinets and behind them too, we have no way of finding a source/nest where they come from, its all so sudden. I hate bugs, and some also appeared around the door to my room. I put vinegar there, but I'm not sure if it held them off. I'm currently in bed, terrified to go check the kitchen to see how many more ants appeared, because yesterday, after sucking up the 100 ants, a while later another 10-20 appeared in the same spot. I hate this house, it's old and garbage but we can't find a new house that we could possibly pay for, my mom is really hardworking but also under a lot of stress, I feel terrible.

For context: I am openly lesbian and am currently a high school student. There is this guy I have been friends with for a while, he knows damn well that I am lesbian and that I have no attraction to men whatsoever. He is genuinely starting to gross me the hell out. He has been hitting on me, which I never even realized until three of my friends were like, "hey, you know he's flirting with you right?" And as of recent it has become much more apparent for me because today we had just left an assembly and me and him were walking together, as were are walking together he puts his arm around my shoulders,which didn't bother me all that much, UNTIL HE FUCKING TAKES HIS FREE HAND AND PUTS IT ON MY NECK!?!?! Then trying to tell me, "you know you like it. kinky." WTF. then he just lets go and ACTS LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!?!? Then he did a similar thing later in the day where he was pulling my hair and trying to tell me the same thing as earlier. WTF DO I DO?!?!?! LIKE- WHAT THE HELL MAN??? >:(

About my immediate family , it feels like it's non existent. Why does no one take my side? I never thought I'd grow up feeling this lonely while growing to love and respect others

I just wish it could be easier. That my life didn't depend on a paper. That I could hug my family, see them. I wish I could feel at home. Even though that has never really existed, not for me. No matter how much I try, no one, no place, nowhere feels like home. And there is nothing to look forward to, no one to even talk this with. I feel as if I am a dead woman walking towards a goal that I don't even know if is mine anymore. I don't know why, or what, nor when I started to resent my choice, or myself. When I started resenting everything and everyone. And I wonder when, if ever, I will be free from the shackles I inflicted on myself.

fried pigs ears have some with me bud :)

I wanna please people and I can't, I always end up using them, I don't want you use them, I want them to rely on me, I wanna be the one they come too, I don't care how they treat me other than that, I just don't want to use my friends, I keep asking for help and stuff and they almost never do, they probably hate me, one of them implied that I should have no friends at all. I would say I don't care if I'm liked but i like treating others kindly. They always end up pulling away, I know I'm socialy awkward but they need to grow up. I try to be as mature as possible and I never can, they always see me as someone to take care of, and I feel really bad for it, I think I should start pulling away, I'm not a small child I can do fine. But please let me help you if you need it

i'm exhausted. i wish someone could hold me and tell me that everythings going to be okay.

I want to die so bad but if i fail they're going to send me to cpep again. I'm not built for this world or this life I just want to leave already I'm so sick of everything and I can't talk to anybody because everyone decided that I'm not worth talking to anymore for some reason. I feel so weak and pathetic for struggling at my stupid part time minimum wage job. I hate that I get burnt out so easily and I hate how I'm always depressed and I can't do anything in life. I wish I could just die in my sleep and be done already. Everything is exhausting. I don't have anything to live for.

What's a moment from today where you felt completely overwhelmed by something simple? Probably my friend not wanting to meet me even though it's been 8 years and whenever I tried she rejected.Its sucks so I decided to break off this so called friendship.

I think they're sick of me. Every time, I'm online, they go offline. Do they even like me anymore? Am I funny? Maybe I'm just insecure and reading too much into this... I swear they're sick of me tho. I'm so sure they don't want to even hang out anymore, I don't like this feeling of insecurity. I remember every single little nickname I gave a friend of mine, they were more talkative back then and actually enjoyed my company, now it feels like they're always on edge, I wish they would just talk to me. I can change, I swear. I will change if it means I'll be liked. I always have, always did, I change, change, change just so someone will look my way. It's my fault. It's all my fault. Am i so lame that not even online friends want to talk to me? I'm just tired, I'm so deeply tired. I want to talk to someone, I want to so bad, please don't leave me alone. Loneliness is the worst punishment. please, don't leave me and just talk to me, I don't want to be here alone with my thoughts, please...

I think that I'm the only one in my friend group, who would, if a friend texted me that he needed someone to vent, be the only one, who would respond in under a second, but if I would be that friend that needed someone to vent to, nobody would reply to me in days (I know theyre busy, but I want a best friend, who I can write with at 1 am)

I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE AND I HATE EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET AND I WANT TO DIE. LET ME DIE.

I feel so stuck everyday. It seems like everyone around me knows what they want to do with their lives and I'm being left behind. I feel so numb and also too emotional at the same time. It's hard for me to talk to anyone about it without crying, which is probably why I'm here. I don't want to start self harm again, but sometimes it feels like it's the only way for me to feel better. I feel like I can never do anything right, not at work, not at home, not at school. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do.

People really need to delete old Facebook tags and pictures with exes. Why is the first public picture on my mother in laws FB a Pic of my husband and an old girlfriend when he was 20 yrs old hanging out on a hammock 🤦‍♀️