All Rants

I'm ashamed of the fact that I've let so much of my life go bad, I have an incredibly cluttered and messy apartment, to where I found mice tonight, I've let myself get to over 300lbs, and I'm in such a tight financial situation, I feel I might never recover. I feel so many things in my personal life just stacking and I have no way of alleviating any of it. I can't turn to anyone bc I'm afraid of being judged and shunned.

lowkey I hate school, not because of the fact we have to do work and stuff but it’s the way it works. like I’m telling u last year my routine was wake up 4:00, get ready for school and leave at 6:30 which thankfully was one of the later times compared to the year before that, get to school 7:20 and leave at 3:00 and then I’d have homework which usually would take me 2 hours to do, and it’s like yeah I get we need to do work and stuff but that’s like my whole life?? I wanna do other things in my free time other than homework and studying. there’s like no 3rd spaces for teens too it’s insane. sometimes my teachers would even assign us homework over BREAKS and the WEEKENDS??? The whole point of those is to take a break and not do anything??? Idk it just makes me like upset.

you just dont fucking care about me at all.

trying to have a conversation with you and you just fucking fall asleep fuck you. you dont want to talk at all

It's been a rough day. Usually you wouldn't think a weekend day would be. Alot of b s. What's building up is I can't quite calm down from the stress and drama of multiple things. I really get put through too much nonsense. It also pisses me off the fact I saw our buildings karen out there vaping when they reported us for smoking despite multiple units here smoke and we got all the blame for it all thanks to them. I wouldn't gaf what they did if they hadn't threw us under the bus to start with. Fam is like let it go. But you're the one that smokes NOT ME HOW ARE YOU NOT MAD. I hate that they're passive when I comes to stuff like that. The cow couldve simply left a note on our door instead of mass reporting us. Well if you didn't do anything wrong and were wrongly hated wouldn't you be mad? I can't control my fam. But their kid raised the window above me at 2am before to vape and I said absolutely nothing when no form of tobacco is allowed. People are awful here smh.

in 5th grade i was in pe. these two girls that i would occasionally speak to started chatting with me while we were yknow just doing what our teacher was telling us to do. then the two of them told me to go to the restroom with them. i did because i thought we would just chill in there to pass time, like i do with my friends. they took me into the big stall and they took off both of their shirts and bras and they said it was ok because we were all girls. i know that boobs are not sexual and i feel like a hypocrite whenever i think about how weirded out i was. was i being the bad person in the situation? were their actions ok???

when i was in 4th grade i became friend with this girl abby. i think she was funny and i looked up to her since she was i guess a popular girl. she started making weird jokes around me. the first time i called her she told me to go on reddit and look up the word porn. i saw many videos. she kept making weird jokes. after that i started thinking about these videos. it started to take over my thoughts and i couldnt stop watching. i started to have parasocial thoughts about celebrities, crushes, etc. i also started having innapropriate thoughts about my goddamn family and even my pets (gladly, i did not do what these thoughts were telling me). What abby told me to look up still affects me deeply to this day. i am glad i stopped being friends with her.

I’m sick and tired of the my 2 cousins bullying my sister. It first started off innocently, then as they got comfortable they took it too far. Started commenting on her body parts. That’s all they talk about when i’m at the dinner table at family events. It really started to get to me because they dont talk about things we all have in common. I used to be close with one of the cousins, and he is two years younger than me, then as we got older, he started creating a distance and talks to older people. You can tell he is so arrogant because he thinks he is all that. He also speaks two languages and i can too but when we are in america he want to talk in the other language to seem cool and i do understand the language. Its insulting that he doesnt talk to me BECAUSE I’M OLDER THAN HIM! He would face time my sister which she is older and i was wondering is something wrong with me like am i not talking because i have been quietter and i realized its them not me. Deep down they are jealous.

I'm tired of feeling judged and feeling like I owe people something.

idk how my mom doesnt know how shitty she really treats me. it fucking sucks so bad. btw i guess this vent will be really mixed because ive never really done anything like this before. ahem anyways. my birthday was simple. it was just at my house, i only invited 3 people. my best best best best best friends. i didnt even want to celebrate but my mom yelled at me and shit so yeah i did it anyways. friend 1 was too lazy to tell her mom and stuff (she told me herself that she was lazy). friend 2 had appendecitis or howver u spell it. friend 3 DID come but she was 3 hours late. it was fun i guess. anyways my mom is verbally abusive. she sometimes hits me. also i probably shouldnt say this but i just started middle school. i just know im gonna fail.

I use language in conversation every day. It's a waste of my time. It's like talking to farm animals. There is no value in speaking with the uneducated. They are not my peers or equals. Yes they are amazed at what I know and what I can do but I don't try to impress my front door every morning when I leave for work. You are a part of the world to be used like my front door. You are a human but you are not a person.

my mom is nosy af and cannot let me handle my own life. without my permission, she went on my phone and installed a bunch of shitty apps. i cant do anything on it now, and ive lost my friends who lived in my old town because of this. whats the point of an phone if i cant call, text, or write anything on it?

I don't have to ask for permission to break your bones. You have no rights. You have no courage or worth. You are just miserable and offended. To pretend that you have any right to respect is ridiculous especially when we all know your trashy behavior. You can get all the degrees you'd like but collecting false paperwork from the "ivy leauge" diploma mills doesn't make you worthy of consideration.

It's my birthday but my best friend is sick puking her guts out and no one else RSVP'd to my party so I am just gonna get really fuckin high.

Just checked the news again. Why do I do this to myself? Every day, something happens, and it's usually not good. Groups are oppressed. The earth is decaying. People are dying for no good reason. Have humans always been like this? Constantly destroying each other in every possible way? We are animals. Beasts unable to resist desire. We tear at our own flesh and minds, we tear at the flesh of others. Yet we consider ourselves "more civilised" than the so-called "lesser creatures" we share the planet with. Creatures unburdened by the mind we gave ourselves. We are fools. We have no civility. We are simply wild animals with highly destructive weapons. What is even the point of gaining wealth or power, what's the point of stealing such things? It won't matter what you have anyway. The cold, uncaring space we're surrounded by will annihilate us all the same. Why do anything at all?

People try to think they are different but the same pathetic tribalism has polluted them. They are clones of failure. The worst part is- that is what they chose for themselves.

now that the worst possible outcome has come to pass everything seems...pointless, you could spend years of effort, time and money and walk away with nothing, makes me wonder what's the bother anymore

Son of a b. How is it acceptable for my noisy upstairs neighbors to be quiet as a mouse as long as they're keeping a baby up there babysitting or whatever. Then once they're gone they start up like it's the wwe wrestling ring or something. How tf would they like that on their ceiling. If it's not like a creaking ship it's thumpimg or stomping. At this point I really don't have words because it's really just wicked to be that way ON PURPOSE. It used to be for like 3 or 4 months in a row st least EVERY MORNING the loudest ass creaks whenever they got out of bed. That stopped and changed to thumping so I know it was on purpose. Why? Idk they're the ones who started shit with us in the first place fucking bitches. My feelings are valid because I've done nothing to these immature ass bunch. Family of course won't defend my feelings because it doesn't affect them. They have to be the shittiest people around here. At least that's how they act. And that's exactly why they don't have a partner.

Ive been feeling really sad these couple of days. i feel lonely even tho im not entirely lonely. i do have my s/o. but i barely have any friends. recently it seemed like i was starting to actually make new friends online, but i've been seeing their not as active, and i only actually see them more active when im not online. its starting to get under my skin. there's this person that's becoming my best friend, but now they've been less and less responsive. its like they're forgetting about me. i feel conflicted bcuz they will text me "hiiiiii" everyday, and i would say hiiiiiii back and try a have conversation with them, but it doesn't seem like their really engaging. it doesn't help that i get nervous when trying to make new friends too.

i didnt make my school sports team for the second time and im just so annoyed because im a good player and not to be arrogant but the truth is i play better than half the people that did make the team but i had one bad day and the team captain used that as an excuse to not put me on (the team captain doesn't like me btw because when they would make fun of me and tell me i had to clean everything up because i was a year younger i stood up for myself and made it clear that everyone as a team should clean up.) they're also the ones telling the coach who to not put on the team and i'm sure i didn't get on because they told the coach not to. also all of their friends made it and they absolutely fucking suck. someone please help me or give me advice. should i go to the school sports councilor and complain??