All Rants

sorry if this is super unorganized i have adhd but my dad cheated and was never really in my life and i always bashed him because thats why my mom showed me but as i grew up i learned my mom is just as bad and ive been suffering since i was like 5 ive done things that children shouldve do as a coping mechanism but its so bad and i have such bad anxiety because of my mom and its eating at me everyday. i dont want to die but i want this endless suffering to end. i want to wake up one day and all my trauma is gone and she starts acting like a loving mom i can trust. im only 14 and i have wanted to kms more times than i can count and i dont have anyone to turn to also i feel like a burden when i vent to my friends so i get high to distract myself but im so anxious because of my mom that the weed just makes my anxiety worse. my mom is making my life a living hell.

My sister is literally so entitled and narcissistic and the thing is that is just her personality because we we were raised together and I’m nothing like that.

I'm tired of eating. tired of seeing the scale go up and down. tired of counting calories all day or how much food I fucking ate.

if i k m s no one would care. ik cus i tried to tell my 'friends' now acquaintances, and they js said we dont care ur not special were all like this so what if i js did t s. y do i do t s. genuinely. i h a t e my life i h a t e m y s e l f i j s w a n t i t t o s t o p. i w a n t t o e n d i t a l l

i wouldnt really gaf if my mom died. she deserves to go to hell

so I made a rant earlier about a bunch of freaky old dudes following and dming me after I showed my face as a minor and said my age BTW IT WAS LIKE IN A COMMENT I WANNA FIND IT AND DELETE IT NOW CUS EW?? anyway I went through the following of one of them bc I know what you are…um yeah he was following another girl who openly said she was 13 and way way way more in his following and followers list good golly molly, to top it off he has older daddy in his bio. yeah um guys idk what to say like this is honestly crazy??? so open about it too

I'm ashamed of the fact that I've let so much of my life go bad, I have an incredibly cluttered and messy apartment, to where I found mice tonight, I've let myself get to over 300lbs, and I'm in such a tight financial situation, I feel I might never recover. I feel so many things in my personal life just stacking and I have no way of alleviating any of it. I can't turn to anyone bc I'm afraid of being judged and shunned.

lowkey I hate school, not because of the fact we have to do work and stuff but it’s the way it works. like I’m telling u last year my routine was wake up 4:00, get ready for school and leave at 6:30 which thankfully was one of the later times compared to the year before that, get to school 7:20 and leave at 3:00 and then I’d have homework which usually would take me 2 hours to do, and it’s like yeah I get we need to do work and stuff but that’s like my whole life?? I wanna do other things in my free time other than homework and studying. there’s like no 3rd spaces for teens too it’s insane. sometimes my teachers would even assign us homework over BREAKS and the WEEKENDS??? The whole point of those is to take a break and not do anything??? Idk it just makes me like upset.

you just dont fucking care about me at all.

trying to have a conversation with you and you just fucking fall asleep fuck you. you dont want to talk at all

It's been a rough day. Usually you wouldn't think a weekend day would be. Alot of b s. What's building up is I can't quite calm down from the stress and drama of multiple things. I really get put through too much nonsense. It also pisses me off the fact I saw our buildings karen out there vaping when they reported us for smoking despite multiple units here smoke and we got all the blame for it all thanks to them. I wouldn't gaf what they did if they hadn't threw us under the bus to start with. Fam is like let it go. But you're the one that smokes NOT ME HOW ARE YOU NOT MAD. I hate that they're passive when I comes to stuff like that. The cow couldve simply left a note on our door instead of mass reporting us. Well if you didn't do anything wrong and were wrongly hated wouldn't you be mad? I can't control my fam. But their kid raised the window above me at 2am before to vape and I said absolutely nothing when no form of tobacco is allowed. People are awful here smh.

in 5th grade i was in pe. these two girls that i would occasionally speak to started chatting with me while we were yknow just doing what our teacher was telling us to do. then the two of them told me to go to the restroom with them. i did because i thought we would just chill in there to pass time, like i do with my friends. they took me into the big stall and they took off both of their shirts and bras and they said it was ok because we were all girls. i know that boobs are not sexual and i feel like a hypocrite whenever i think about how weirded out i was. was i being the bad person in the situation? were their actions ok???

when i was in 4th grade i became friend with this girl abby. i think she was funny and i looked up to her since she was i guess a popular girl. she started making weird jokes around me. the first time i called her she told me to go on reddit and look up the word porn. i saw many videos. she kept making weird jokes. after that i started thinking about these videos. it started to take over my thoughts and i couldnt stop watching. i started to have parasocial thoughts about celebrities, crushes, etc. i also started having innapropriate thoughts about my goddamn family and even my pets (gladly, i did not do what these thoughts were telling me). What abby told me to look up still affects me deeply to this day. i am glad i stopped being friends with her.

I’m sick and tired of the my 2 cousins bullying my sister. It first started off innocently, then as they got comfortable they took it too far. Started commenting on her body parts. That’s all they talk about when i’m at the dinner table at family events. It really started to get to me because they dont talk about things we all have in common. I used to be close with one of the cousins, and he is two years younger than me, then as we got older, he started creating a distance and talks to older people. You can tell he is so arrogant because he thinks he is all that. He also speaks two languages and i can too but when we are in america he want to talk in the other language to seem cool and i do understand the language. Its insulting that he doesnt talk to me BECAUSE I’M OLDER THAN HIM! He would face time my sister which she is older and i was wondering is something wrong with me like am i not talking because i have been quietter and i realized its them not me. Deep down they are jealous.

I'm tired of feeling judged and feeling like I owe people something.

idk how my mom doesnt know how shitty she really treats me. it fucking sucks so bad. btw i guess this vent will be really mixed because ive never really done anything like this before. ahem anyways. my birthday was simple. it was just at my house, i only invited 3 people. my best best best best best friends. i didnt even want to celebrate but my mom yelled at me and shit so yeah i did it anyways. friend 1 was too lazy to tell her mom and stuff (she told me herself that she was lazy). friend 2 had appendecitis or howver u spell it. friend 3 DID come but she was 3 hours late. it was fun i guess. anyways my mom is verbally abusive. she sometimes hits me. also i probably shouldnt say this but i just started middle school. i just know im gonna fail.

I use language in conversation every day. It's a waste of my time. It's like talking to farm animals. There is no value in speaking with the uneducated. They are not my peers or equals. Yes they are amazed at what I know and what I can do but I don't try to impress my front door every morning when I leave for work. You are a part of the world to be used like my front door. You are a human but you are not a person.

my mom is nosy af and cannot let me handle my own life. without my permission, she went on my phone and installed a bunch of shitty apps. i cant do anything on it now, and ive lost my friends who lived in my old town because of this. whats the point of an phone if i cant call, text, or write anything on it?

I don't have to ask for permission to break your bones. You have no rights. You have no courage or worth. You are just miserable and offended. To pretend that you have any right to respect is ridiculous especially when we all know your trashy behavior. You can get all the degrees you'd like but collecting false paperwork from the "ivy leauge" diploma mills doesn't make you worthy of consideration.

It's my birthday but my best friend is sick puking her guts out and no one else RSVP'd to my party so I am just gonna get really fuckin high.