All Rants

I feel increasingly stupid. It seems that every time I try to study or learn something, it becomes an impossible mission. No matter how hard I try or how many hours I spend studying, I can't understand. This irritates me so much that sometimes I end up taking this anger out on myself. I hate this and I hate myself for being so stupid. I can't understand it; there are people who don't even study and simply learn, that's not fair. I want to learn, but I can't. I've tried studying for hours, but the words start to get jumbled and I can't concentrate anymore. My head hurts and all of this leaves me so exhausted that I wish I'd never been born. These are stupid feelings from a stupid person. I hate It. >:P

I just wish people would slow down in life. Everybody is ALWAYS in a hurry. Why? Can't even go to a grocery store with only half full parking lot and they wanna act like it's a race car track. It's idiotic if you ask me. It doesn't help other people trying to push you when you deal with anxiety. What's the effin hurry? You'd think the store or stuff was gonna sprout legs and run away the way people act. It's so stupid. Not everyone is in a hurry you know. Sure go around me IDGAF. It's not like people are gonna get out of life alive or anything . If you wanna hurry that badly go run on a treadmill. I've literally had someone elbow me to get into a cooler instead of say excuse me or anything. I wanted to knock the hell out of them too but it wasn't worth jail time. Who raises people like that, baboons? Point being I wish people would just chill tf out. It ain't that serious.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a villain to everyone in my family. The people I care most about makes me feel like I'm the villain and selfish. The father I love the most thinks I'm his enemy. Actually he thinks all of us in the family are villain, only his siblings and sister in law are saints. They are just using him. Sometimes he sees that they are using him yet just ignore it all and run to them all the time wagging his tail. He can risk his life for them but if we say don't get involved in things that don't concern you, we seems to be the villain. They didn't give any inheritance to him, always treated him badly yet it's always them he chooses. I have become villain to even my sister. Everything I do is for her. She is elder than me yet I have supported her through every failure both emotionally and financially and even paid for her to get her health and weight fixed. And yet she thinks I'm the selfish one for wanting to get our family to eat right food. I'm so frustrated nd crying

I hate how little empathy I have. I want to be a good friend but I just can't empathise I'm saying "I'm here for you" and "that sounds tough" while I'm thinking "omg are you actually a dumbass" and "give your damn head a wobble" He doesn't need someone to listen though, he needs a dose of reality tbh, he was raised by snobs and now thinks he's failing in life if he doesn't have the biggest house or newest car or whatever. And then moaning to me about it when I don't have either of those things (I don't want a car but it would be nice to move out of my parents' house before I turn 50).

I'm so tired of everything actually. I can't do this anymore. My mother constantly taunts me and makes fun of me(She's a boy mom), my brother sa'd me when i was 7. My father is almost never home due to his job. My mother hits me from time to time but it never leaves scars so It's not even that i can call a helpline, and i dont have the courage either. It's so tiring, I'm still just a teen in high school. When i was in 5th grade though my mother tried to strangle me to death due to her going insane from stress and after she got better apparently she experienced memory gap of that period of time so i was told to just stay quiet and never say anything related to it by the adults. I was actually pretty decent at studying before that but after that happened i could barely manage 5th grade. My academic downfall began in 6th grade. I Don't know what to do, everyone's so ahead of me while I'm just constantly tired and burnt out. It's not fair.

I used to feel like she made everything easier. Now I feel like I'm playing tennis with no net while she's got me boxed in by a brick wall. I lost 15 kilograms. She called it a failure because it wasn't fast enough and I still have further to go. Fifteen kilograms. Gone. Not enough, apparently. If I fall asleep during a movie or get distracted, it's a whole thing. If she does the same, it's fine, no discussion. Same behavior, different rulebook depending on who's doing it. When my mental illness causes issues, it becomes a crisis I have to answer for. When she has issues, I'm expected to forgive instantly, no questions asked. I'm not trying to keep score. I'm trying to understand why every win I have gets recalculated into a loss, and every stumble of mine gets weighed heavier than hers. I don't want a scoreboard. I want a doubles partner. Right now it feels like I'm the only one on the court trying to play fair. 🎾😭

I really can't anymore. I've been trying so hard to keep up. To be better. To fix myself. But I can't. I've TRIED I've tried SO DAM HARD. But it's never enough. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and pathological lying, but my parents still expect me to be better than other people, even tho I physically can't. They claim they love me, but they don't know a lot, like when I tried to kill myself just a while ago. I've been going for therapy, and it helps, then my meltal health plummets again when I talk to my parents. Honestly.. I don't know why I'm writing this. An apology? Just a rant? If I'm being honest, probably a goodbye :( I'm just so done with everything. I'm so done with my parents, my 'friends', just- I'm so done with everything. So to anyone reading this, if anyone ever reads this.. I hope you have a wonderful life, with friends and family that love you. I hope you do amazing in work / studies and live to a ripe old age. Goodbye world. This is chairz_14, signing out.

I am suicidal but I don’t have a real reason to wanna die nor an active plan but still I wish I was gone.

TW: MENTION OF R3P3 / HARM3 Tf you mean “proof doesn’t mean anything” ? So if someone gets r@p3d and and HAS PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. That isn’t proof and it doesn’t matter? TF? Someone h@rm3s themselves but nooooo it’s not proof they need help?! Tf is wrong you Alex?! You are a disgusting human being who calls virgin women “sluts” WHAT? HOW? HOW? HOOOOOOOWWWWWW? Alex just freaking stop this shi.

Lately I haven't been able to sleep i feel tired and exhausted, I wanted to try this anonyms posts thing I feel like it would help with getting things out of my mind and being able to sleep in peace, I almost woke up late and not make it to one of my classes in college and before you ask it's my second week here in college I don't want to skip any classes just yet, and apart from that I've got a bunch of heavy ass books that I have to read and before anyone says that "oh that what college is about you are given bunch of work that's normal" but the thing is I didn't want to go to college, I didn't want to major in business at all. I know that it'll be more benefits for me in the long run with this degree but even then, I feel like even with this degree I won't get far like everyone has already moved, started families, and are becoming sucefull. All I wanted was a one-year gap and study art that's what I wanted the most, but my parents were against it

Grammar correction my vent *spit on her grave and piss on her altar.*

I cry a lot, anytime I feel strong emotions I cry. Not in public or anything but yeah. And I wonder is my future husband will be able to deal with me or just think I am too emotional or sensitive or a cry baby……😬

Am I supposed to have a lot of friends? I am happy going to school today I have people I enjoy hanging out with in every class. And friends outside of classes, but it feels like I have a lot of random connections with tons of people instead of like I am really close with like these three friend groups. Like most of the connections I have, I don’t have their number or nothing. I have 2 bffs then just tons of random friends throughout my school. But like idk. 🤷‍♀️ I only really hang out with my best friends. But I am happy sooooooo. And I only sit with one friend at lunch. But also out of anyone I would choose I would choose to sit with her. But idk I don’t feel lonely, I am just comparing myself to others. Like I am a pretty extroverted and social person I get along with almost everyone. But yeah idk 🤷‍♀️

i feel like the worst human being alive - i got pulled up at work on Tuesday for accidentally having a TMI moment with a customer (i’m a checkout girl) and then a supervisor was insanely rude to me. i have autism, PTSD, generalised anxiety disorder and BPD. i have so much to be grateful for: beautiful family, a wonderful support system, and lovely coworkers, but i feel like a burden to myself and everyone around me, even my support system. i feel like my heart is missing, like it’s not even there. i have tried so much to self regulate in stressful situations, such as reframing my thinking, putting my phone down, literally anything you can think of, but nothing is working. my life is a fucking joke.

if i wanna be my self in this state (a pansexual femboy living in far south of NC) i could literally be killed...i just wanna go to vancouver with my beloved...

I am so anxious to go to school it is my 5th week back but I have been missing a lot of school the most recent on which is being in the hospital for a car accident I am not getting bullied or anything I am just really scared to go back I am not sure why but the thought is really intimidating

Worse yet, she has our dms, which she is afraid of other people finding because it further validates everything thing I said. So, I went to a Grampo server the official one and sent the allegations to people. So, about 4,042 people more than likely know what she did. Better yet her “heros” know. In retrospect that get back is a motherfucker.

The first time I tried smoking was when I was 14. Smoking and going to hookah parlours with my friends was a norm back then. I left that lifestyle after I hit 20s and it felt good

I recently moved to a new school and I miss my old friends so much. another guy from my old school moved here too, and he's made friends sooso easily. he's popular and gets such good grades and is better than me at the one thing I love with my whole heart. Most of my friends like him more than me or have a massive crush. Or they become friends just to ask about him. I feel completely useless, I wanna go back to how everything was. but nothing will ever be the same again.

Overall, I spit on her gave and piss on her alter. She became upset when I refused to fit the persona she had bulit for me of being her "secret lover". When I stopped letting her text me when she was bored, lonely, or horny. I hope more people find out what a devious, treacherous piece of shit that she is.