i create all of my porblems, i dont have an authentic version of myself and i fele awful when i speak to people. i used ot be sooo social but woah! all of a sudden im fucking scared of ppl and what they think of me and i am so utterly emberrased by aveerytging relating to me! like my social skills dorpped, my throat hurts when i speak more than twice a day at shcool. my classmates have even fuckng given up on talking to me lwk and i hate that i cant do anything abut it becasue they are all already well integrated!!! like i cant even vent ot rant to them because then that would be thier first true intention of me, of my inside self. like imagine i go up to someone and say "oh!! i wanna kms" cool girl i dont know your favorite season of the year. like i dont have a person i have said enough about myself ot anymore and because of that i cant even connect with ppl because im too far behind and i feel like saying anyone evn to my best friends is like ripping a part of myself and showing it