My boyfriend mistreated me for a very long time, and during an important part of my development. He cheated on me countless times(emotionally that i know of) and I don't even know the full extent of it...only bits and pieces. He really messed me up psychologically. I met someone during that time that was one of my best friends. We were intimate with each other. For the longest time i thought that it was only out of spite and jealousy of what my boyfriend had done but i've realized that i loved him. I never had a real relationship with him. Now all these years later I still dream about him and think about him often though i really do not want to. It drives me crazy I know what I want yet my heart yearns for him at times. I'm trying to work on it. It's hard not to reach out to him. It seems so stupid but i'm still with my bf who hurt me deeply. He genuinely did change tho i don't say that out of delusion. I just get so angry it took him this long to commit when i was ready at the start.