I'm scared to go to school after a long holiday, but idk why this happens to me. I think I'm gradually forgetting my childhood (even when I try to remember it, I can't tell if it's real or just a dream), along with some of my jhs experiences. I can barely remember anything from primary school. Somehow, when I was in 11th grade, I either couldn't or refused to recall most of my memories from 10th grade. Now, I'm starting to forget things from 11th grade too. It feels like things got worse when I entered high school, especially during 10th grade. Maybe something happened back then, but I didn't realize how serious it was. Lately, this has been bothering me a lot. For example, when I try to remember my childhood, I can’t clearly tell what’s real and what’s not, and it gives me an unsettling feeling that sometimes scares me. It’s starting to affect my daily life, and I don’t really know how to handle it. Idk whether i should see a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or just leave it as it is.

I've been struggling these past few days, writing this now, I still don't have the right words to use. But one thing I know is it isn't going well. Everything is piling up, I feel alone. Perhaps the changes I'm going through is what's causing it, my grade 8 year has finally ended, so many memories, meaningful people, and I'm scared of what's ahead, how my life would be next year. I feel so numb, I'm slowly going back to my old ways, it's like I'm back in the dark place I fought so hard to get out of. I want to reach out so bad but I can't. No one can understand, I was raised to carry all of it alone.

i feel like i'm worse than how i used to be. i feel like i have no motivation to do anything, compared to how well i used to manage my schedule. i have about a week worth of overdue lessons. the earliest i wake up is 12 pm (i'm in online school) and even still, i end up staying in bed for around ten minutes longer. i either don't eat all day, or binge-eat like a maniac. i can't remember the last time i took part in a hobby besides editing, but even then, i only do it every so often. i don't know what happened to me.