I picked up painting again. I haven't painted in months. I'm preemptively grieving the loss of a dear friend with stage four cancer, and I'm grieving the loss of the horse she lets me ride; She'll have to sell him to pay her medical bills. She saved my life with that horse, she doesn't know it and maybe she never will, but he's been a gift greater than any other. She's been a gift in my life. My artwork is on her mantle, our lives are so intertwined inadvertently its not even funny. She bought my first real heart horse and I may be getting mine from her. Her loss won't be the first this year, nor the last. I picked up painting again. It's almost been a year without my pet lizard who i'd had for 10 years. My baby. I cant think about loosing another animal that is so near and dear. My favorite little mare I outgrew passed last spring as well. I'm so tired. I picked up painting again, and I haven't painted in months.