im trying to get my college work done but i cant help but think about my mom. i hate being adopted i have a good life sure but everything i do seems like a attempt to prove myself and her that i was worth keeping. i know its not my fault i know i was baby and i couldnt do anything but i cant help but feel like it was my fault. that i somehow wasnt good enough that feeling sticks. it never goes away. it doesnt matter what i achieve or how hard i fought to achieve such a normal thing such as passing middle school i still feel like i should be better and i cant do better. i cant be the daughter she wouldve kept. i hate my mom for it. how could she. but i hate myself more for wanting her despite everything. i hate myself for still wishing she was there to comfort me when im crying. i hate myself for wanting to look at her and see her in my face. everytime i look in the mirror i feel like im looking at a stranger. that reflection never changes no matter how often i see it.