i feel so alone. all that 2026 keeps revealing to is that i'm alone in friendship. no-one is ever available, but i am. every time. i'll make space and wait and wait and will be there, always supporting the best. but it has felt that when navigating my own storms, i have less access. i thought that would have similar treatment as i give to them but i'm shown that won't happen. being outwardly calm, inviting and bubbly is so frustrating, can i not be smiley and sad at the same time? keeping your circle small is fun until the truth of their opinion is revealed. i'm stuck writing words upon words for no-one to hear them and only for my eyes to see. i haven't been hugged properly by a friend in so long. any hugs i have experienced have been by those who later never showed up.