To many of my friends family and people I know I'm a happy friendly person I dress cutely to make people feel relaxed and comfortable near me but really I use a happy self Image to hide my deep issues and insecurities, I feel anger a lot but hide it and it builds up to wanting to hurt someone but I know I can't do that so I take it out on my self I use dull knives to cut my fingertips I have once scratched my arm to the point it bled it burned but I didn't cry I waited until It was a scab then I let my mom know I told her I accidentally scratched too hard and she believed it. A long time ago at 9 I substance abused spray deodorant and it changed my relationship with my dad he talked to me less my dad doesn't talk that much but we hardly say anything to each. The day they found out they whooped and gave me whips and cuts on my face and told me I deserved it. I believed them but that's not what I needed a whooping wasnt gonna reverse those 6 months. no one validates me just jokes.