Idk if im going down the mental drain but I feel like there’s a being inside of my head. It tells me to cut myself and drink the blood from the wound and document it into a journal. When I deny its pleas and warnings to sh, I sometimes see it or feel it late at night watching me through my window or tapping my shoulder. It also gives me nightmares of brutally murdering my family, friends, strangers, etc. It’s been in my mind for almost 4 years now and it slowly started getting worse. I’ve manipulated my family into getting me out of therapy and appear kind, smart, and just sad in front of them. I don’t know what to do anymore or if theres some kind of mental illness for this but I kind of want it out of my head and kind of don’t. I was verbally and sometimes physically abused by my father until his death when I was 10. My brother began abusing my family and was put into hospitals repeatedly for this. I also started a porn addiction when I was 10. Pls lmk of my mental condition ig?