I'm a man. 21 years old. The thing they usually leave out when the trans experience is brought up, is how devastatingly, cripplingly lonely it can be. Not that it HAS to be that way, of course. For many it isn't. But for me it is. And it's entirely my fault, I know it is. I'm a generic douchebag. Stupid, lacking emotional awareness, doesn't understand (or care to understand) mental health. Minimizing it all. Except I'm not that at all. I know, and I care so, so deeply. Because I thoroughly, constantly, chronically, aching in my gut day and night. But that's not manly, and no matter what anyone says, no matter that it's the big year 20xx, it is still like that. And I cannot, and will not, be able to open up about how terribly in pain I am constantly. I will continue putting on my strong act, even when it hurts others around me, because I just can not break it all down now. I'm in too deep. I'm surrounded by people I love, but I'm still so, so lonely. So hurt. Always. Always. Always.