my mom verbally abuses and physically abuses me because i play games, i was playing games for a little while instead of doing my homework and she told me shes never going to let me study again and she hit me like she always does and my arm was red and she called me a bunch of mean words and she often tells me to just kill myself i dont know what to do anymore

I’ve been severely frustrated as of recent and I feel like I have not been heard from anyone on my side. I live with a severely abusive parent who likes to berate and manipulate. And then I’m struggling with my partner who I don’t even know if they love me at this point, it just feels like I’m being used at this point. And recently my friend killed themselves, and I feel very alone without them, because it felt like they were the only person who understood me. And work has been beating my ass as well as money issues, and feeling as if I’m never going to make it anywhere in life. Like I’m just as useless as my mother says, even though I’ve worked my body so hard I’m starting to gain worse signs of physical exhaustion.

i cant stop picking at my fucking skin.its been going on for as long as i can remember. bored? rip off the skin off of my fingers. hungry? rip the skin off of my fingers. stressed? same thing. at this point i don’t even realize it when i’m doing it. i’m so done. my fingers have become raw and sensitive. they’ve become aching with stinging pain and no longer smooth. they are irregular, irritated painfully, and they are hard to not notice. i wish i could stop but i just can’t. i’m literally doing it right now. for some reason i think if i keep doing it enough, my fingers will be smooth again, but i know thats not true at all. they bleed and its bothering me so much. i don’t have a nail clipper with me, i forgot to pack it, i’m on vacation, so it’s really bad right now because of how sharp my nails are. i don’t have any fidget toys or anything like that that would help dermatillomania, and i don’t wanna ask my parents for any because i know they’ll judge me for it. i wish i would stop.