Im not sure how this works so im just going to write exactly whats on my mind. Im not okay, i have admitted that, im scared. all the fucking time, i cant get a break. I just went out with relatives and one of them went to tap my head and i just flinched and backed away, i didnt like the way they stared afterwards. I dont know whats wrong with me or whats normal or whether i even care enough to want to be normal anymore. I dont know if i want to die, often i do. I want to get better, i know how, but it just feels like the circumstances arent allowing it, everytime i try, i give up. i hate giving up. i cant do anything much though not when its my mom that i have to talk to. i dont want to hurt her, i love her too much for that. im scared of her, i love her, and in a way i want to be her. and i cant understand hate, my cousin told me thats odd, but i just cant do it, how can anyone do hate someone, it seems absurd. i dunno. have a nice day to anyone reading this.