I honestly hate everything I feel miserable every day, I want to kill myself and want to die to be free from all the pain but every attempt I make I chicken out and feel guilty to the point of wanting to vomit. I hate everyone and everything around me. I keep finding myself wishing I could go home but im at the only home I have, living and getting up out of bed almost feels impossible but I keep putting on an act for everyone around me because I have been taught emotion is vulnerability and vulnerability is a weakness and a way for everyone to come at you and judge you, I keep finding myself almost relapsing into self harm but after everything i feel guilty and everytime I look at my scars on my wrists I feel disgusted with myself I don't know what to do anymore other than just sit here waiting to die hoping everything I go to sleep ill never wake up again im an ashore and a pathological liar and I keep stealing weed to get high knowing i should just die for my actions in the past