All Rants

I want to kill myself so bad I’ve tried overdosing so much times but I only got nauseous and extremely painful stomachaches. Today I’ll try my hardest to successfully kill myself finally

i hate how almost every single boy i've met my age has said the n word at least once, if they never said it they definetely would've seen/heard their friend saying it without batting an eye. i've called out some before but they just don't realise what they are doing is wrong and i don't get how. of course women mature earlier then boys but there is no way their maturity is that low to not even understand the concept of basic human dignitity. if we learn the same things in school at the same age and at the same time why don't they know how to show basic empathy and compassion like girls. and its not simply biology, its a deeply rooted generational problem which im not sure will ever disappear. boys grow up exposed to content which is generally more violent, compared to girls. whether its yt, movies, toys or clothes you can see the drastic difference between things catered for boys and girls. a young boy doesnt just want to say a bunch of slurs its taught. i just want things to change

I have daydreamt about finding my prince charming for years. Not the "tall dark and handsome" kind- the kind that loves unconditionally. Is genuine, open and honest. Consistent. I want partnership and understanding. Soft words. Soft touches. Soft heart. My person who will always add to my happiness and wellbeing rather than leech from it. I want so desperately to be able to build eachother up and make one another feel like we could take on the world. Maybe it will stay a day dream. Maybe now that my words have been freed the universe will bless me. I have such a big heart and even if it sounds silly I just want to share it with someone.

Eh bakit sa akin nag-eexplain? Ako ba ang asawa?!

i feel so lonely... i wish i have someone who is really interested in me. who is there whenever i feel so full and ready to burst i wish i am someone's real friend not just a facade.

I wanna be nonchalant so bad, I wanna be the guy that brings a girl home just to play video games by myself instead, I want pretty girls to talk to me everyday but pretend to be totally absorbed into my phone, I wanna go on fun dates and make people brag about me then suddenly tell them I found someone else like it's nothing. I don't think I'd try this shit irl but man I am so sick of being ignored and irrelevant I wanna be the bad guy and everyone to still love me for it because I'm smoking hot and popular

A vent/letter to X_____ that he's never going to read. I love you so much. I could hug you, kiss you, and talk to you all day, honestly. i'm just scared. we've been together for months, since the end of May, yet I feel just as scared to tell you just how much I love you as I did a week into our relationship because it makes me feel like a creep. I could genuinely write paragraphs and paragraph about everything that makes you special to me, but would that push you away? Would you be grossed out? I mean, you and I talk all day about our F/Os (fictional partners, for anyone who's curious) and say freaky stuff abut them and it's funny... but if I said that about you would you be grossed out? I'm going to cringe at this but, I'd genuinely just want to cuddle and make out all day and it makes me feel gross even though I'd love it if you said that to me. it doesn't make sense to me. I wish I had more confidence but i don't want to lose you for something stupid like that. --Love, A____

Damn it. Already drowning with too many problems, and people keep coming assuming (correctly) I'll help. There's just one of me, but enough obligations and commitments for four of me. Thought I was already way past my breaking point, but apparently not. Guess I'll find out how strong I can be for how long. So tired. Eternal rest can't come soon enough.

if I could have one wish, I would wish I never met "YOU"!

so this is to my mr manager , i know you are tall dark and handsome with brown eyes in the sun . I am just an employee for you .But , in my heart you are the best person I have ever met . the day I saw you walking when you came back from your holiday and the way you started speaking amazed me . I am damn sure you are reading some kind of books on how to influence people cuz you surely influenced me . I like how you say thank you very much after every shift ends . I like how you chase with your cars and overspeed which is being naughty of you but it is very astonishing from my point of view . Yes, I do get jealous when you talk to other people at work . and I also know you are married so I will supress my feelings and live with the memories .

I was dealt a terrible hand, but I can't just kill myself. I have to be eaten by a shark. I have to be shipwrecked, to be torn asunder at sea. I have to freeze out on the Alps. I can't die normally. I have no ambitions, I only crave my own destruction. It would be nice to distance myself from the animals around me, but ultimately, I'd rather destroy myself and the need to set hierarchy along with it.

You made me believe in love, and somehow now it feels like it's my fault for falling. But how could I not? To me, you were everything I had ever hoped to find. You walked into my life, made my heart feel things it had never felt before, and then left before I was ready to let go. Now I'm left gathering the pieces of a heart I didn't break, carrying a hurt I never chose. What I can't understand is how to move on from someone my heart still remembers so clearly. How do I forget you when every part of me still wishes you'd stayed? Sincerely, The girl who fell too hard for you.

the biphobia recently has been getting to me ngl. I know it's mostly online and probably American also, but I genuinely don't see the big deal behind gender and why so many people are so male-centred without meaning to. If I like a girl I'm gay, it I like a guy i am straight, I wish we didn't need labels. because it feels like it only serves to separate us. In neurodivergent so maybe that's why gender doesn't really matter to me, but I'm not pansexual. I have a preference. But I also consider personality to be the most important thing. I hate how ignorant human beings are, I hate how they make life so difficult.

I'm not asking for sympathy, I wish I could commit suicide in a hopeless battle. In a war, in a duel. Just take what little of my pathetic frame I have and strive after my own extinction. I have nothing else but the promise of extinction, to be wiped out in survival of the fittest I'll clearly lose, but the morality of other people holds me back from dying gloriously.

AGH I HATE MY DRAMA TEACHER SO MUCH I USED TO LOVE ACTING BUT BECAUSE OF HER NOW MY SELF ESTEEM HAS PLUMMETED UGH

i hate being the backup friend like im never anyone's first opinion like yes i do have alot of friends but all of them have like their other friend that they're closer too. it's like the more they know me the more they distance themselves, I don't know what i did wrong,i tried to be more kind and patient but it seems like im never anyone's first opinion -★

im so close to suicide, i dont feel like i can live like this anymore, i have to worry about if people like me or if im to annoying, i hate this

Whenever I think of you I picture you black and blue I filter all my hate Into your bloody fate Robber Loss Fail Im sending you some fucken hate mail Your so self absorbed And such a fucken whore To think poor you That I left you Because you never cared about my happiness You only miss That Im not under your foot Everything you put me through and took And you still dont think About how many tears I blink

I hate my father and I wish I didn't. he's put so much religious trauma on me. Even though I've moved away from him i still see and hear him in everything: White cars, heavy footsteps, christian songs, ties, suits, churches, my phone he bought me years ago... he's everywhere and I don't want him to be. I'll panic when I'm wearing clothes he wouldn't let me wear (Like pants, since Pentecostal christian girls can't wear them) because I feel like he's going to yell at me despite not being here... I have no confidence because of him either... it's to the point where if he were gone i'd be happier but i still want my father you know? i loved when he wasn't mad, when he's play video games with me or cook with me, but that rarely happened anyway. why do i still hold on to those memories when they hurt me? I miss him, because I know he's already gone. And to my dad, I'm sorry i couldn't communicate how i felt sooner. I just hope you're at my funeral the day I die. --A

The Girl You Love I don’t want diamonds, I don’t need a throne. I just want somewhere I can call home. A little fire, a little warmth A hand reaching for me in the storm I want flowers.A night that’s planned because you’re in love. I want to feel precious in your hands Not like somebody you just have to understand.I want to tell you when something hurts.Without watching you turn it into what you’re worth.You say you’re never good enough.But somehow I’m the one apologizing for wanting love.So I bite my tongue, I swallow my tears.I make myself smaller just to keep you near.‘Cause every time I tell you what I need.You look at me like you’d be better off without me.I don’t want to be the girl you tolerate.The one you love when she doesn’t ask too much.I don’t want to be your easy, fun escape.While I’m starving for a little tenderness and touch.I want to be the one you can’t wait to see.The one you choose when nobody else can see.I want to feel like I’m your heart, not your burden.