All Rants

lost in my thoughts and dont have the right words to put it into to even reach out.

hi everybody im venting again only because i also have no one to talk to and this is why i love this website because i can vent about anything to make me feel better because im feel bad about my self and i want time to feel better if u know what i mean... :(

I feel bad because i have no one to speak to and ive been suffering by thinking about how friends can abandon me i felt that happened today because my friends left me to go to a new chat without me and the only games i find joy in are games that say you should never give up, and peaceful music but not much... :(

I’m so tired of being autistic, I love my autism but I’m heavily traumatised and so everything I do feels 100x more exhausting. I hate myself, I hate the world and I hate people. Not because they are bad but because of the things that happened to me and the fact that I can’t make new connections no matter how hard I try. It feels so isolating to know you’re not like everyone else. Everything down to the way I say hello is different. I want so desperately to be accepted, but the more I speak to people the more I realise like don’t care. I’m too childish, too excitable, they care but they don’t. When I open up it’s too much, when I don’t say anything at all, I’m not being truthful. I want people to care about me the way I care about them. I’m sick of crying when people don’t like me, sick of being mad that my parents never wanted me. I’m tired. I’m always tired and I just want someone to tell me it’s okay.

I am already old enough to make my own decisions, yet I am still controlled by my parents on what I should do and what I shouldn't. This may sound selfish of me, but because of everything they are doing to hold possession of me, I have become really antisocial and rarely talk anymore. I keep my personal life away from them, and I can't even look them in the eye for a few seconds anymore. I bottled up everything that they kept me away from, remembered everything they said that made me stray further away from them, and kept every memory that made me resent them for what I turned into. I just feel like I deserve to be trusted for once, and that everything would turn out alright if they choose to do so. I know my capabilities, and I'm not a little kid anymore. I'm 20, and I want my life to feel like it's worth living. But despite my greatest efforts to make myself more open, more vocal, and all, it's never gonna change, and I personally hate them for it. I feel so miserable now...

My bf usually gets on his video game voice calls after I go to bed. But I know if he doesn’t answer me anytime past 8pm I go to check because I’m in the same server but am never active. I see him there and give up hope talking with him for the night. I really wanted to talk to him tonight, but he was on his VC. I wanted to talk because I work the majority of tomorrow and won’t really be able to have a one on one private conversation with him at all tomorrow. He texted me gn like nothing was wrong and that he’d ’talk more tomorrow’ and I was super pissed because when the f is that going to happen? Like you don’t get up till 9, I work at 8-5, then I’m driving to our mutual event where you’ll pay more attention to your friends then me, then go hang out with them till your curfew. When the hell are you going to talk more tomorrow??? I feel bad cause I love him and I know he is having trouble balancing everything rn, but it’s also I want my emotions to be heard and not taken as criticism

My bf and myself two separate things

I really have no clue how to make friends in college.. it's like they're all against me. my major have 33 ppl in total, while our class have abt 16 ppl in each class.. how am I supposed to be friends with them if they all seem connected with each other. They all seem to be ganging up against me.. Including in group assignments.. I've seen so many times they've been whispering in front of me while giggling. Am I really tht terrible of a person..

Last year…I was severely bullied by my 2 best friends. They would send me threats, tell me to kill myself, bark at me, take photos of me without permission. All of this happened for months. I already had sever anxiety(diagnosed) and I’ve been going to a psychiatrist and therapist for months now. I take medicine for my anxiety, ptsd and insomnia. A few months ago I was diagnosed with ptsd, this is still very hard to believe. I started cutting myself a few weeks ago. Originally it was not eating for days and it still is. I’ve told people my story, my family, friends, psychiatrist, therapist. No one takes it like how I do. My family says that’s I’m being dramatic and that ofc they can’t understand because it wasn’t them. No one wants to listen or understand who much I hurt every single day. I’ve had panic attacks often and not it feels like not a single person will or can help me. I’ll be stuck with this pain, nightmares forever. I’m only 16.

Simply it frustrates me. People and family's hypocrisy. For one. Because I had something bad happen to me and told this person. Thay just said I'm so sorry call a crisis line and turned me away when I needed refuge from an abuser yet then they themselves cried to us their significant other hit them could they spend the night. THE FUCK!!!? SERIOUSLY!!?!? OMG. And it was lie nobody hit them they just wanted attention. and then have the fucking audacity TO TELL ME TO CALL A FUCKING CRISIS LINE AND THEM NOT TAKE THEIR OWN ADVICE;?!? OMFG. not only did they know I was abused and laughed in my abusers face they knew FULL WELL what they did to me all while claiming to be religious. Other family said about them " they're not a bad person". OH REALLY!!!?? I beg to differ. Bitch. That's only one issue of multiple with this person and these people. Are my feelings valid? Damn straight despite other family trying to invalidate them. That's bullshit plain and simple. Sigh. It's not right.

So theres a girl and I really like her. We actually were together for about a couple weeks, then she said she needed some time alone for her mental health... So I gave her space and she didn't respond for 2 weeks. Now we're talking again. But before I was gonna go to prom with her. But she said she might not be able to go. Her prom is today. The prom I want to go with her is next week. So she's at her prom rn and she's sending me pics and stuff and she's so gorgeous... But I kinda want to tell her I still like her and ask like what we are bc ever since she needed time she's acted like we're just friends and nothing more... So do I just ask her what we are or do I just ignore it and try to move on?

ive been inside my whole life. my family wasn't poor but we were middle class either. my mother doesn't really have friends or go places and my dad always went wherever alone so i grew up like this, inside. i lived in my house for 21 years and i still couldn't recommend places to go or things to do in a five mile radius. im 22, we got evicted or smth like that, and i still live indoors. yes, i have a job and i go to work and see people everyday but i work in healthcare so the ppl im meeting and seeing aren't always pleasant or someone i can befriend. i have never been to a party yhat wasn't planned my family. i have never slept at a friend's just cousins. i don't have a style in any sense. i didn't keep any friends out of high school. and i am depressed. im no longer on my meds due to insurance issues and my depression feels like its coming back and i spent thee entire saturday indoors while my parents got to see my godmom's new house. they still arent home yet and im just sad.

I’m a 9th grader and I got very close to three seniors. Two of them happened in the fall and the third happened in late February. Now I have to watch them walk the hallways of high school for the last time, knowing I’ll never be able to run to their lockers, say good morning to their faces, or travel to meets together. And I don’t want to think about the fact that I’ll have to get through junior year without any of my besties because the other two are going to be graduating next year.

I think it’s unfair for a girl as young as me to feel as much pain as I do. Not the pain you imagine. The pain you feel. My bones break like twigs. About one every 3 months-not to mention my genetic mutation leaves me with other side effects. They make my ligaments tear easy. My skin bruise like a 3 week old apple. And most of the time I can’t walk. my rib is broken right now and I can’t do a fucking thing about it because my parents refuse to take me to the doctors because you can’t do anything about it anyway. I’m so tired of this pain. I’m so so so fucking tired. I just want to be able to walk without pain, or breathe, that would suffice. But no. I’m stuck with a fucking curse since the day I was born

I need to help someone whose really lonely. What do I d

...Being childless by circumstance sucks... I want to be a mother so badly, but... there's always a reason why now isn't a good time... Without a partner in this economy, it would be impossible... so... I'm waiting to meet my Special Someone... if he's even out there... I'm trying to increase my faith in God so that I don't completely give up hope... but it's really hard... My life still has meaning with or without a child, but I'm going to be so miserable if the child(ren) I want never become a reality... I don't want my father's bloodline to end with me, and I want a soul to know love and give love to... Maybe someday it'll happen... but while I wait, I'm gonna make the most of my time. I'm going to learn all that I can about processes, options, health topics, etc. so that I'm ready when that day comes... if it does come, God willing... God, if you can hear me, please let this wish of mine come true. Amen.

i spend the whole day in my bad doing nothing i just wasted all my day on my phone while my sister is always out actually living her life, and i feel like a failure

I hate myself right now. And I don’t know how to feel about this. I’m anxious and I wanna either self harm or make myself vomit. I just disgust myself

My mother is downstairs screaming at my sister saying about how her life is so terrible and she can’t deal with me or her anymore. She’s screaming that either she leaves or my sister does and giving a final ultimatum. This has been going on for a while. I don’t want either to leave yet. My mother has issues but she’s still my mother. And my sister while annoying at times, I don’t want her to struggle either. Not really. I just feel very lost. I’m sure the neighbours can probably hear. It’s awkward and I just want the argument to be over.

today is my last day here ive finally given up theres no fucking point im going to do it tonight after wishing i could im finally going to whats the point in being here? no-ones going to miss me