i cant wait to die. i cant wait to die. i cant wait to die. when will i die? when will it end? when will the part where im suppose to be ok happen? im not fine at all. relapsing is a shitty thing, i hate reverting to old habits yet here we are. i hate myself so much, how the fuck am i suppose to balance my social life, my education, and my mental health? it's deteriorating at such a fast pace. isn't that lovely, and to top it all off, i haven't even reach adulthood yet haha! i haven't even been enjoying my highschool years let alone college. i barely remember anything because my memory's been a blur as of late. haha i cant wait to heal and recover. wouldnt that make me better? yet how can i ever become better if i keep slipping back to the same rabbit hole over and over again? i cant wait to cut off all my friends, my family, and become an entirely different person. a factory restart, a do over, a new chapter in life where no one knows me. oh, i'd be so happy, extremely happy.