and i've been feeling like this for months. sometimes i will wake up and i'm nervous and my chest is too tight for me to eat food but i have to force it down my throat anyways. i'm fat and i could do something about it if i tried but my first hobby is always eating food. maybe if i had an ed or was more healthy i'd have more motivation and my friends would talk to me without me texting first and life would be better. there's also a specific person whose every message has me debating whether they hate me or not, and i can't talk to them about normal things because i don't know how close we are. they seem like the one person in my life who would be able to tell me things about myself if i opened up but i don't know what i feel about them, but every time i think about them hating me i get this feeling of anxiety. everyone else probably wouldn't care, and i can't bring up anything without intentionally making it sound like i'm joking.