and i don't want to die but i don't want to live either. everything is such a chore to me and i'm so tired all the time but i can't sleep early because i'll start reading something or scrolling something else and it drags me until 3 in the morning where i go to sleep and wake up at 7 again. i'll nap my time away when i get home after school anyways, its not like i have anywhere to be. i wish i was terminally ill then people would care and ask me what's wrong when i'm quiet and i say i'm fine, i wouldn't have to do anything at all, and the people who care too much for me to die suddenly can come to terms with my death. it's the perfect ending see. i tried hurting myself for the first time last week and i dont think ill ever do it again but i loved the way it looked bandaged up or bleeding on my wrist, in the perfect place for anyone who ended up seeing it under everything i wear to have no other explanation. and i imagine showing someone the scar, imagine the way they'd pretend to care.