my friend I love deeply and platonically got drunk and started dancing on me, but told me "I love you, but I don't want you like that". ever since, I've been scared and thinking of my first love as a way to stop myself from falling in love again. my first love was a girl with no interest in me, a good friend that treated me almost too poorly to be called that. but I always think of her when I feel like she will be replaced in my heart. I'm scared of suffering again for no good reason. and today I missed her more than ever. I broke all contact with her, but sometimes I wish I could contact her again and tell her I still have saved up some space in my heart for her. I'm terrified more by the fact that I can't feel any type of attraction. I'm terrified that even if someone loves me, I'll have to disappoint them. I put all this into words, but I feel like still something is missing, something deep down is wrong and I can't even call it out.