I can't tell if I'm worse off than my family or just barely saner than them. They all have their problems, but they just scream and yell at each other about it. I feel civilized, but thirty times more destructive. I've self-harmed, relapsed, recovered, relapsed again, etc. It never ends and this cycle is eating me from the inside and out. My anxiety is getting worse and worse around my family, but I can only decompress whenever I'm not around them (mostly). I chronically disassociate whenever confronted with my family, and these issues just bottle up until I have an anxiety attack 50x worse than the last one, each time and time again. I'm paralyzed. I can't breathe or move willingly, I'm shaking blindly on the floor and I can't hear anymore. I feel so useless and scared.